rollcharisma | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[It makes sense.]

[The mixed thoughts, that is. The feelings. Being furious with Eren, but unable to not pry for the better still left in him. Being unable not to chase him, to the ends of the earth and then some.

[Because Eren Jaeger is a coward. It’s a very human thing. And it’s impossible not to care.]

[For the most part, Armin’s words, his anger and his grief, command the room. It’s enough, all the more impassioned in its quiet, to fill the space and then some. But there was just a moment, as he described being beat: the screen behind him flickered to life again, a violent shadow in a window. Aubrey’s attention only strayed for a moment; it was all she needed to know.]

[Then: “He wasn’t. Not always.”
[A boy.
[And then he’s gone.]

[Armin makes his final promise; a threat, a gloat, a declaration of love. Ever-admirable, ever-steady.]

Armin…

[And then the wall comes to life again, stealing Aubrey’s focus once more. It’s not her memory.]

[It’s not Armin’s, either.]

[On the screen, they're nine years old. There's a commotion - young voices, shouting.]

Leave him alone!

[Eren Jaeger, knee high to a cricket, rushes a group of older boys, growling as he pounds his tiny, weak fists into whatever he can reach. The older boys cackle and sneer, picking him up by his collar and tossing him carelessly to the side. Armin cowers with his hands covering his head, sniffling back tears.

[Eren can't be kept down for long. He launches himself up from the ground and continues the pathetic onslaught. The bullies pick him off every time, even as he screams and rages. Armin is covered in bruises.]

You piece of shit - I'LL KILL YOU!

[His voice is too young to sound the way it sounds, but he's got fresh tears in his eyes as well. They're all on behalf of his friend. One of the older boys slams his fist into Eren's face, sending him backwards, dazed, into a wall. He cracks his head on the brick and slumps to the ground, a small whimper escaping him.]

"It's useless, Jaeger. You're too weak. Too bad Mikasa's not here to pick your fights for you."

[Eren pushes himself up. It's shaky. His nose is bleeding. With a sudden growl, he's on his feet again, running toward the group of boys.

[Armin jumps up. He runs between Eren and the boys.]

"Eren! Stop! You can't! They'll kill y--"

[Eren doesn't see him in time. His fist collides with Armin's face, knocking him onto the ground. Eren's face drops into horrified shock. It's about then that Mikasa shows up; the group of boys flee instantly.]

Armin!

[Eren slides down onto his knees, taking the boy's face in his hands. Fat tears roll down Armin's cheeks as he begins to sob again. Eren's looks like he's about to start crying himself.]

No! I'm-- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! Armin...Armin...

[He throws his arms around his best friend's neck, clutching his head protectively.]

I-I really didn't mean to. W-we'll get you all cleaned up, okay? I was just trying to help. I wouldn't hurt you on purpose - not in a million years!

[Armin hiccups, wiping at his swollen eyes.]

"I-I-I...I kn-know you...d-didn't mean to, you...you were just trying...t-to save me."

[The screen goes black. In its reflection, Eren Jaeger, behind them, both hands chained to one of the displays.

[He stares, eyes wide with shock - at the screen, at Aubrey--]

[At Armin Arlert, who turns, the shock on his face reflecting Eren's like a mirror. Neither of them speak.]

[Bullying.
[Children.
[A punch.
[A savior.

[“I wouldn’t hurt you on purpose—not in a million years!”]

[The hero in the flesh—chained.]

Eren....

[Breathless.]

Armin. Don't--

You stupid bastard!

[He throws his arms around Eren's neck, clutching the back of his head, desperate.]

Edited 2023-10-05 21:49 (UTC)

[Armin is strong; Aubrey gets swung. Her chained hand brushes Eren’s head, pulled into the reacharound.]

[~~Your boyfriend might be gay if he forgets you exist when his estranged husband is in the room.~~ Kidding. When Aubrey swings into him, he tries to move his arm to catch her, even though his hands are chained. He does not, however, look at her.

[It's at this point that Armin lowers his arms, tossing Aubrey an apologetic, but very brief look. Then it's back to Eren. Eren speaks first.]

You need to leave.

[Eren tries to sound firm, but really he just sounds stiff, uncomfortable. It's hard to see Armin like this - especially after that memory. Armin wasn't wrong when he said that Eren was afraid of his influence. Armin can talk his way out of anything; he can talk most other people out of anything too...]

No, actually, I don't. In fact, I think I'm exactly where I need to be right now.

[He looks at Aubrey again, even more apologetic than his first glance.]

Sorry, Aubrey. I hope you're alright.

[Eren's glare deepens.]

It’s fine. [Really. Uncomfortable situation for everyone. Aubrey steps back to the extent that she can. She did notice the attempted catch, though; Eren gets an uneasy, but appreciative, nod for that.]

[Eren's eyes shift to Aubrey. He's annoyed by the longing he feels when he looks at her. In front of Armin? Come on.

[This goddamned world. He's far too distracted to bend his way out of these chains; even if he could, where would he go? He's positive to exits are sealed.

[He was hoping to never have to face Armin again, but here they are, and his best friend is just as much a light in the dark as he's always been. Eren's heart aches painfully for him. He didn't appreciate it enough when Armin's hands were gripping his head; when his head was nearly on Eren's chest.

[He's missed him. He's missed him painfully. And he's already starting to slip, just being in the same room with him.]

[Eren is barely emoting, but Armin can see it anyway; the way he looks at Aubrey, and the way he looks at him. He wants to hold him again, but he and Aubrey are still attached.]

Eren...

[Eren turns his face stubbornly away. Armin sighs.]

Look, we...we don't have to talk about this now. We can wait until we're alone. Aubrey and I will find a way out of these cuffs, and then--

[He falls quiet for a moment.]

Eren, I'm...I'm so glad to see you. You must know that.

[Part of him - a large part of him - thought he'd never see Eren alive again...

[The screen flickers on. Eren and Armin's heads both turn. A memory within a memory begins to play. The liminal Wal-Mart demands they all watch.

[The audio, by the way, surrounds them in a way that no speaker could ever simulate. They may as well really be there inside the screens.]

[Aubrey turns with the two. She’s barely processed the first memory, and then—]

[Eaten alive. Bleeding out. Children, Armin and Eren, excited over the sea—the ocean! something so seemingly simple!—just yearning for adventure beyond the walls… a final reach, and a broken, desperate, soul-piercing scream.]

[How young were they?]

[Aubrey is shaking by the end of it; raw adrenaline, heart thudding second by horrid second. She’s bewildered, almost dazed; only briefly, during the talk of the ocean, could she tear her eyes away, to Eren and Armin and Eren again (always back to Eren)—and no sooner does the memory end does she do so again.]

Y…
You…
[She doesn’t know who she’s talking to. It’s all she can get out.]

[The memory plays, a memory within a memory. Eren and Armin watch, eyes fixated on the screen. Neither notice Aubrey's horror as the scene plays out. Once it ends, Eren is there, still chained, his expression blank, his eyes empty. Just another day at work. He's experienced horrors worse than this early incident a thousand times. From his perspective, Armin was saved, and he was always going to survive; he was certain of it.

[But then, as he recalls the rest of the memory, what wasn't shown on screen. He remembers what it felt like to be inside the titan's stomach. There were other people in there too - alive, begging for their lives, drowning in boiling hot stomach acid.

[Eren's eyes grow ever duller as the memory loops and replays behind his eyes.

[Aubrey looks at him. He looks back. She's horrified. She should be.]

That is our reality.

[Armin cringes at Eren's words, squeezing his eyes shut tight. Tears leak out of them.

[From his perspective, Eren died. Eren died. Eren died. He remembers telling Mikasa and the others. He remembers reciting the names of their fallen comrades. He remembers reciting Eren's name.

[But to hear his own scream...

[His hands are trembling.]

Don't you get it...?

[His voice is a whisper.]

I don't want you...to die...

["Pull yourself together, Armin. Aubrey's still here..." He can't make himself sound entirely present when he addresses her, struggling to drag his eyes away from the floor.]

Aubrey...I'm sorry you had to see that.

I’m sorry you had to go through that!

[Oh, god, god, god, what’s worse—that Eren looks so utterly disaffected? that Armin doesn’t challenge what he says? That, as Aubrey’s shaking subsides, Armin’s hand trembles so close to her own?]

[There’s a tug, at the edge of her awareness—it’s too much. Armin shut down. It makes sen— No, no, christ, fucking hell, none of this—]

Neither of you, both, you—
[Her eyes are on Eren as she sputters, because his detachment is easier to take. Just marginally.]
You’re better off here.

[Eren stays silent. What she's saying is true. Maybe, if they were alone, he'd agree with her, in his own way. Naturally, anyone would be better off here - or anywhere - than where they come from. But Armin hasn't seen he and Aubrey's private conversations. Armin doesn't know that Eren has come to doubt himself. Armin doesn't know that hope is rearing its ugly head again, inch by meager inch.

[What he wants to say is something akin to, "Don't you see now? Don't you see why I'd want to destroy the monsters that did this?" But he doesn't. He can't risk another questions episode if he and Aubrey get into a fight. He knows he won't be able to utilize their training here. He's too...emotional.

[Aside from that, she already looks like she's going to crumble...and he cares.]

Edited 2023-10-06 00:40 (UTC)

[Armin's next words surprise Eren, though.]

This place is a prison too.

[Eren looks at him, something in his eyes; vague surprise that he's not sure Aubrey will see, but that he's certain Armin will.]

There's good in our world too, Aubrey. Don't forget what I told you.

[As he says this, he locks eyes with Eren - blue to green, sky to earth. He looks stubborn; pure conviction.]

We have a chance to improve it. We should take that chance.

No.

Yes.

[Armin’s words surprise Aubrey, too, actually. “Don’t forget what I told you”… She hasn’t, but. Kind of has…? The thought they’re better off here—that wasn’t, and still isn’t, a lie.

[It’s a selfish prison, maybe. Fit for those who could swear they have nothing to go back to....]

[But Eren has friends. Very, evidently, much so. They’ve been apart for how long, and they’re having a back-and-forth like that? Reminds her of someone back h—Don’t think of that now.
[Anyway, it’d be amusing if not for the context.]

Armin, ah… [Even as Aubrey addresses him, she can’t look at him. Or Eren, for that matter; she pretends one of the reflections on the shelves is suddenly very interesting.] What… is that chance?

[It’s cautious, not quite optimism. She feels like she’s failed him.]

[Still chained - forever chained - Eren eyes Aubrey with something between disbelief and betrayal.]

That chance is bullshit.

Tell her, Armin. A miniature Rumbling every fifty years. Kill thousands of innocent people instead of millions. You're no better than me. You're no better than anyone.

Tell her about the arms race, Armin. Tell her that the Marleyians are decades away from creating weapons powerful enough to kill any titan. Tell her how we're all sitting ducks.

Either our world ends or theirs does and you know it.

[This is the true point at which Aubrey will see the real Armin. Eren's words leave him looking injured, but he doesn't deny them; doesn't reply at all, in fact, right away. He stares at Eren, their expressions still mirroring each other in intensity.

[He speaks carefully. He's well aware of what Aubrey is about to hear him confirm.]

Innocent lives...will be lost, yes.

But not every fifty years.

[He doesn't look at Aubrey.]

We need to buy time so we can negotiate - so we can talk things through. Freedom isn't out of arm's reach, Eren! Maybe for you, maybe for me - but the rest of the world deserves it too. We can help make that happen.

[Even turned away, Eren’s eyes burn into Aubrey from the periphery. She hates it. She hates this, stuck between an argument she still only barely has context for.

[She hates that Eren just said “kill thousands of innocent people instead of millions” like that’s an anywhere near reasonable idea. That there isn’t an option without innocent casualties—well, that’s just their world, isn’t it? That’s just the world, anywhere with national conflict, period. Which is why…]

[Even Armin agrees freedom might be dead for them.]

[This doesn’t feel like a conversation Aubrey has a place in. And yet…]

What happens if you go back?
[It’s not clear who she’s addressing. But she stares at Eren’s right hand, ever trapped.]

[He has three years.]

Edited 2023-10-06 01:21 (UTC)

The world is crushed.

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