rollcharisma | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

It’s fine. [Really. Uncomfortable situation for everyone. Aubrey steps back to the extent that she can. She did notice the attempted catch, though; Eren gets an uneasy, but appreciative, nod for that.]

[Eren's eyes shift to Aubrey. He's annoyed by the longing he feels when he looks at her. In front of Armin? Come on.

[This goddamned world. He's far too distracted to bend his way out of these chains; even if he could, where would he go? He's positive to exits are sealed.

[He was hoping to never have to face Armin again, but here they are, and his best friend is just as much a light in the dark as he's always been. Eren's heart aches painfully for him. He didn't appreciate it enough when Armin's hands were gripping his head; when his head was nearly on Eren's chest.

[He's missed him. He's missed him painfully. And he's already starting to slip, just being in the same room with him.]

[Eren is barely emoting, but Armin can see it anyway; the way he looks at Aubrey, and the way he looks at him. He wants to hold him again, but he and Aubrey are still attached.]

Eren...

[Eren turns his face stubbornly away. Armin sighs.]

Look, we...we don't have to talk about this now. We can wait until we're alone. Aubrey and I will find a way out of these cuffs, and then--

[He falls quiet for a moment.]

Eren, I'm...I'm so glad to see you. You must know that.

[Part of him - a large part of him - thought he'd never see Eren alive again...

[The screen flickers on. Eren and Armin's heads both turn. A memory within a memory begins to play. The liminal Wal-Mart demands they all watch.

[The audio, by the way, surrounds them in a way that no speaker could ever simulate. They may as well really be there inside the screens.]

[Aubrey turns with the two. She’s barely processed the first memory, and then—]

[Eaten alive. Bleeding out. Children, Armin and Eren, excited over the sea—the ocean! something so seemingly simple!—just yearning for adventure beyond the walls… a final reach, and a broken, desperate, soul-piercing scream.]

[How young were they?]

[Aubrey is shaking by the end of it; raw adrenaline, heart thudding second by horrid second. She’s bewildered, almost dazed; only briefly, during the talk of the ocean, could she tear her eyes away, to Eren and Armin and Eren again (always back to Eren)—and no sooner does the memory end does she do so again.]

Y…
You…
[She doesn’t know who she’s talking to. It’s all she can get out.]

[The memory plays, a memory within a memory. Eren and Armin watch, eyes fixated on the screen. Neither notice Aubrey's horror as the scene plays out. Once it ends, Eren is there, still chained, his expression blank, his eyes empty. Just another day at work. He's experienced horrors worse than this early incident a thousand times. From his perspective, Armin was saved, and he was always going to survive; he was certain of it.

[But then, as he recalls the rest of the memory, what wasn't shown on screen. He remembers what it felt like to be inside the titan's stomach. There were other people in there too - alive, begging for their lives, drowning in boiling hot stomach acid.

[Eren's eyes grow ever duller as the memory loops and replays behind his eyes.

[Aubrey looks at him. He looks back. She's horrified. She should be.]

That is our reality.

[Armin cringes at Eren's words, squeezing his eyes shut tight. Tears leak out of them.

[From his perspective, Eren died. Eren died. Eren died. He remembers telling Mikasa and the others. He remembers reciting the names of their fallen comrades. He remembers reciting Eren's name.

[But to hear his own scream...

[His hands are trembling.]

Don't you get it...?

[His voice is a whisper.]

I don't want you...to die...

["Pull yourself together, Armin. Aubrey's still here..." He can't make himself sound entirely present when he addresses her, struggling to drag his eyes away from the floor.]

Aubrey...I'm sorry you had to see that.

I’m sorry you had to go through that!

[Oh, god, god, god, what’s worse—that Eren looks so utterly disaffected? that Armin doesn’t challenge what he says? That, as Aubrey’s shaking subsides, Armin’s hand trembles so close to her own?]

[There’s a tug, at the edge of her awareness—it’s too much. Armin shut down. It makes sen— No, no, christ, fucking hell, none of this—]

Neither of you, both, you—
[Her eyes are on Eren as she sputters, because his detachment is easier to take. Just marginally.]
You’re better off here.

[Eren stays silent. What she's saying is true. Maybe, if they were alone, he'd agree with her, in his own way. Naturally, anyone would be better off here - or anywhere - than where they come from. But Armin hasn't seen he and Aubrey's private conversations. Armin doesn't know that Eren has come to doubt himself. Armin doesn't know that hope is rearing its ugly head again, inch by meager inch.

[What he wants to say is something akin to, "Don't you see now? Don't you see why I'd want to destroy the monsters that did this?" But he doesn't. He can't risk another questions episode if he and Aubrey get into a fight. He knows he won't be able to utilize their training here. He's too...emotional.

[Aside from that, she already looks like she's going to crumble...and he cares.]

Edited 2023-10-06 00:40 (UTC)

[Armin's next words surprise Eren, though.]

This place is a prison too.

[Eren looks at him, something in his eyes; vague surprise that he's not sure Aubrey will see, but that he's certain Armin will.]

There's good in our world too, Aubrey. Don't forget what I told you.

[As he says this, he locks eyes with Eren - blue to green, sky to earth. He looks stubborn; pure conviction.]

We have a chance to improve it. We should take that chance.

No.

Yes.

[Armin’s words surprise Aubrey, too, actually. “Don’t forget what I told you”… She hasn’t, but. Kind of has…? The thought they’re better off here—that wasn’t, and still isn’t, a lie.

[It’s a selfish prison, maybe. Fit for those who could swear they have nothing to go back to....]

[But Eren has friends. Very, evidently, much so. They’ve been apart for how long, and they’re having a back-and-forth like that? Reminds her of someone back h—Don’t think of that now.
[Anyway, it’d be amusing if not for the context.]

Armin, ah… [Even as Aubrey addresses him, she can’t look at him. Or Eren, for that matter; she pretends one of the reflections on the shelves is suddenly very interesting.] What… is that chance?

[It’s cautious, not quite optimism. She feels like she’s failed him.]

[Still chained - forever chained - Eren eyes Aubrey with something between disbelief and betrayal.]

That chance is bullshit.

Tell her, Armin. A miniature Rumbling every fifty years. Kill thousands of innocent people instead of millions. You're no better than me. You're no better than anyone.

Tell her about the arms race, Armin. Tell her that the Marleyians are decades away from creating weapons powerful enough to kill any titan. Tell her how we're all sitting ducks.

Either our world ends or theirs does and you know it.

[This is the true point at which Aubrey will see the real Armin. Eren's words leave him looking injured, but he doesn't deny them; doesn't reply at all, in fact, right away. He stares at Eren, their expressions still mirroring each other in intensity.

[He speaks carefully. He's well aware of what Aubrey is about to hear him confirm.]

Innocent lives...will be lost, yes.

But not every fifty years.

[He doesn't look at Aubrey.]

We need to buy time so we can negotiate - so we can talk things through. Freedom isn't out of arm's reach, Eren! Maybe for you, maybe for me - but the rest of the world deserves it too. We can help make that happen.

[Even turned away, Eren’s eyes burn into Aubrey from the periphery. She hates it. She hates this, stuck between an argument she still only barely has context for.

[She hates that Eren just said “kill thousands of innocent people instead of millions” like that’s an anywhere near reasonable idea. That there isn’t an option without innocent casualties—well, that’s just their world, isn’t it? That’s just the world, anywhere with national conflict, period. Which is why…]

[Even Armin agrees freedom might be dead for them.]

[This doesn’t feel like a conversation Aubrey has a place in. And yet…]

What happens if you go back?
[It’s not clear who she’s addressing. But she stares at Eren’s right hand, ever trapped.]

[He has three years.]

Edited 2023-10-06 01:21 (UTC)

The world is crushed.

Not if we stop you.

And we will.

We have to.

Would that kill him?

[A short, sharp exhale; might be a laugh if there were anything even remotely funny about this conversation. Eren feels fed up - with Aubrey, with Armin, with this argument.]

I'm dead either way.

Oh will you just save it?

[Armin glares at Eren. It's probably one of the only times in his life that he has glared at Eren. Talk about fed up. He can't stomach the cold, condescending look on his friend's face; the flippant way in which he talks about his death, as if it won't kill Armin in a thousand ways too. When Armin thinks of Mikasa and how she'll have to cope without either of them, he feels rage.]

Your lifespan is reaching its end, so your solution is to make your friends hunt you down and kill you themselves? You really are selfish, aren't you?

I know you're suffering, Eren. I know your burden is insurmountable, and I know you want it all to be over--

[Armin cuts Eren off before he can protest.]

No. I'm talking now, and you can listen. You owe me that much, Eren, and you know it.

[Eren goes to speak again. He chokes as the universe takes his voice. His eyes rage; truly a cornered animal. Armin looks pained.]

Eren, I am not your enemy. We are not your enemy. We love you, and we know we're going to lose you, but God. Don't make us lose you like this! Don't make us kill you!

[Eren strains desperately at his chains. He still can't speak.]

[So he really is good as dead.]

[Armin’s the one raging, but it’s Eren who fixates Aubrey. Eren, chained by a world that hates him, where screams like the memory must be part of the background noise; Eren, chained by fear; Eren Jaeger, chained by himself. He’s helpless, choked, hurting.]

Leave him alone… [Just a mutter, barely audible, as Armin fires barrage after pleading barrage. Aubrey can’t pretend it’s not fair. She wants to jump into the abyss and take him with her.]

[When Eren strains, her free hand reaches for his, as if an instinct. It’s Eren she faces, aching, even as she speaks to Armin:]

Then lose him here. [Just as thoughtless.] I’ll show him the ocean, both of you— He has a chance…

[He has to.]

[Aubrey reaches for his hand, and Eren takes hers, wrapping his fingers tightly around her own. It's an instinct in and of itself, but more too. In doing it, he wonders if he'd ever be able to resist Aubrey if she reached for him. Part of him really doubts that.

[He'd felt frantic until she turned to face him. He stares at her now, eyes locked on eyes, unwavering; even as she speaks to Armin. He still can't speak himself (or...does he just not know what to say?).

[The moment strikes him deeply. It makes a little flame light in his chest. It isn't a war, but if it were, Aubrey would be on his side. Compared to Armin, Eren must really look like a monster; she chose him anyway.

["SO WHAT IF HE’S A MONSTER! YOU LOVE HIM ANYWAY! DON'T YOU? YOU WANT TO GIVE HIM EVERYTHING"]

[The small "Leave him alone," barely registers. Armin's too impassioned, too angry; he's finally getting a chance to say what he's been feeling in his chest for months - God, and it isn't even the beginning, but then...Aubrey speaks again.

[Armin turns to her. She isn't looking at him. She's looking at Eren, and Eren is looking at her. It's not difficult to place the expression; it's a look that Armin is extremely familiar with, in fact. Eren used to look at him that way too.

["He has a chance..."

[Will Armin Arlert's tears ever dry? The anger crumbles out of his expression. He looks helpless instead; so very, very sorrowful.

[There's hope there too. Always hope. Armin has to keep clinging to it somehow. He has to.]

I want him to have that chance. [His voice is hushed with grief.]

I'm not racing to get him home. It's nothing like that.

I want him to live. I want him to be happy. Of course I do...

[Eren meets her grip, her eyes. “Yes. Yes.” He didn’t need to say that twice (didn’t want to say it at all), but…

[Aubrey doesn’t want to break the moment. She’d take him in both hands then and there, but she’s still hooked to Armin, and it’s him who speaks instead. And his words surprise her, again.

[Just for a moment, not wanting to leave Eren long, Aubrey turns back to Armin—though she really didn’t have to, emotion hushing his voice. As soon as she sees his tears they spring to her eyes, too. For once, Aubrey doesn’t resist them.]

Then we both do.... [She tugs Armin’s hand a little, invites him forward.] And while we’re here…

[Back to Eren. Her thumb strays, trying to rub beneath his cuff; that must really hurt....] Maybe we can.

[Eren should be protesting. He's not. He tells himself he still can't speak. He keeps his eyes on Aubrey. Then Armin takes his other hand, sending a shockwave up his arm. He looks at him.

[All Eren can think is that he doesn't deserve this. Any of this. They want to keep him here to prevent The Rumbling; that would be the easy, flippant, bitter answer. That's what makes the most sense. He should be rebelling against that. They're trying to stop him.

[But they're not. They love him. Aubrey is running her thumb over his sore wrists. Armin is squeezing his fingers. They're both crying, and they're both looking at him, and he knows what love looks like, he knows love.

[He has to swallow down a lump in his throat. It's too much. All of this...]

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