rollcharisma | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[Eren: not the barracks. Armin: yeah, how about the barra— Oh, wait, he said memories they all witnessed. Can do.]

Okay. If you’re both okay with that…

[Eren, she means Eren. He didn’t seem phased at the time, but Aubrey wants to check all the same. Especially since she has to let go entirely now, to take a pen and notebook. He and Armin get to witness the wonders of plastic packaging.]

Makes sense to me.

[He can steel himself, in that case. The memories are fresh on everyone's minds, and he's already numbed himself to them. Armin's smart for that. It's the best case scenario, and they both know it.]

I'll be alright.

Go on, Aubrey. You can do this.

[Geez. If anyone needs the reassurance it is, once again, not her. But she won’t bother trying to voice that, at least not outright.]

I’ll be fine. It’s— [Wait.]

[Thus Aubrey sets the paper on the nearest pile, and starts writing. Her handwriting, especially in a slight rush like this, is… not the best, but legible enough if they’re paying attention to the motions.] It’s you guys.. who I’m more.. worried about.

[The writing precedes her speech a bit, and the brief pause with each phrase continues. It gives her time to consider her words more, though impatience gnaws at her early.] I can’t imagine seeing anyone [that gets underlined] get eaten like that, never mind a close friend.

How did you make it back, after that? [There’s a darker implication lurking here—that if Aubrey saw anything like it in the flesh, in either position? Eren was right. “You’d drop dead from the goddamn shock.”

[…She’s really glad she’s not facing Eren, right now.]

Edited (phrased smthn weird) 2023-10-09 04:19 (UTC)

[Somewhere down the line, Eren forgets to take note of which parts he can and can’t hear clearly. It feels like the memory in question is playing on a field of synchronized screens all over again. But he needs to keep his emotions in check.

[His answer is detached and clinical.]

While inside the Titan, I transformed for the first time. I ripped out of it from the inside with the power of the Attack Titan.

[Armin is similarly distracted. He’s looking at neither Eren, nor Aubrey as he speaks. His gaze is somewhere between them, off and far away.]

I didn’t plan on making it back.

I meant to take my own life. But my friend wouldn’t let me…

[It’s the first time Eren will have heard any of this.]

[Eren’s eyes go slightly wide.]

What the hell…?

[Aubrey drops the pen immediately. Even Eren sounds startled. She’d turn, but is struck again with the feeling this isn’t her moment.]

[How did his friend stop him? She wants to apologize for asking. It catches in her throat.]

[Armin's eyes go to Eren when he speaks. Yeah. He thought that might disturb him; knowing Eren, it might even make him angry. A coward's way out, or something like that. But Armin...]

I blamed myself.

[Tears brim in his eyes for what feels like the hundredth time today.]

Our entire squad was eaten in front of my eyes, and then...and then you.

You were eaten trying to save me - because I couldn't move. Because I just sat there!

[His eyes go back to the floor. He crosses his arms over his chest.]

That was a long time ago. I got over it. I grew up...

If you want to be angry at me for giving up, or something like that - well, I didn't. So...

I'm not angry at you.

[Yet, he does sound...agitated somehow.

[To think he might have survived all that, just to find out that Armin had taken his own life in response...It does make him angry; just...not at Armin, really.

[He reaches over with his free hand. He grips Armin's shoulder tight, as much as glaring into his eyes.

[He doesn't say anything else. Just...holds that position for a few minutes, then drops his hand.

[Then, his attention goes to Aubrey. There's no doubt what she must be thinking about...His thumb strokes distantly at her hand.]

I couldn't tell if any words cut out. Sorry.

[She hadn’t said anything.]

[When they both fall silent Aubrey grabs at the pen and starts writing something else—big, ignoring the lines, pressing hard into the paper. She makes no effort to say it. When Eren strokes her hand she jerks it away without thinking.]

[It reads, though Aubrey doesn’t move to draw attention to it:] What saved you?

[Eren isn't expecting Aubrey to jerk her hand away. Slightly offended, he pulls his back too. What Armin says next yanks Eren's head in his direction, the withdrawn hand immediately forgotten.]

"It was Mikasa."

[A knife in Eren's heart, ever twisting.

[Mikasa. It feels like half of his body falls away. The last time he saw her, the last thing he said to her; and she's still chasing after him. Mikasa. There's a pit in his gut, swallowing him from the inside. Mikasa.]

[Armin continues.]

We were stranded on a rooftop, running out of fuel.

I gave the last of mine to her. I told her to leave me behind. I took a blade. I said it was because I didn't want to be eaten, and that was true, but...

[It wasn't just that. He fails to say this.]

She took the blade from me and threw it over the side of the building. I don't remember her exact words, but...she needed me. My comrades needed me, so...I stayed.

[Mikasa. Eren’s… sister?

[Feels like she should be here.]

[“I stayed.”]

[Aubrey shoots Armin a sorry look; a condolence, an apology. A flicker to Eren, too—and then, if they don’t stop her, she’ll walk off for a little while.

[Not to drown. She’ll be back.]

[Aubrey leaves, and Eren's heart seizes. If it weren't for his pride, he'd reach after her, but he has to trust that she'll be back. In a way, he gets it. This should really be a conversation for he and Armin, even if he isn't quite ready for that.

[He turns to his friend, lips tight; his voice betrays some anxiety, though.]

You never told me that.

[It almost sounds accusatory; as if he has any right.]

[Eren's prying isn't exactly well-received; all the same, Armin doesn't resist it. What they're talking about has nothing to do with the present (or does it?). It makes sense Eren would be surprised; maybe even hurt.]

It's like I said, Eren.

That was a long time ago.

I had things under control.

I told you I wasn't going to die like that.

[At this, Armin surprises even himself with a scoff. Guilt floods his eyes only a moment later, but...]

You had no way of knowing whether or not you'd survive, and neither did I. You always think you have everything under control; that's not always the case--

Are we really going to argue about this right now? It's in the past. I've grown up - I already said that.

And I didn't do it. That's why I didn't tell you.

[Eren takes in a deep breath, teeth gritting before he can let it out; he has to exhale through them. His fists clench at his sides.

[He might have lost Armin all those years ago.]

Even if you thought I was dead, my sacrifice would have meant nothing if you'd killed yourself too.

And I didn't kill myself, did I? And you didn't die. So it doesn't matter. Can we agree on that? Please?

[Another scoff - more like a humorless laugh, incredulous.]

I can't believe you're actually going on about this. Considering your plans? You really have the gall?

It's different.

It isn't, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop insulting my intelligence and acting like I'm stupid - acting like I don't know you, or that I'm the foolish one for not believing all your bullshit lies.

Dammit, Eren. We didn't want to lose you then, and we don't now. But you're tired of hearing it, right? You're tired of hearing that the people who love you want you to be okay.

We don't support your plans, so we're idiots? Is that really what you think? Or are you just running from us too?

Edited 2023-10-09 18:09 (UTC)

I'm doing this for you.

You don't want to hear that either.

God, stop! Just stop!

Stop repeating the same thing over and over - I'm sick of it!

[He's shouting, but the tears are overflowing from his eyes again. He looks desperate. He feels desperate.]

Maybe we'll never agree. Maybe I am stupid for even trying, but I can't...I can't give up on you. I won't, and if that makes you hate me, then that's something we both just have to accept.

Idiot!

[He grabs Armin by his collar. He yanks him against his chest. He grips him, two arms, one hand to the back of the head. His body melts into the embrace; God, but he's needed it.

[Armin dead. Armin dying. Because of him. Because of him. Because of him.]

I could never hate you, you stupid asshole.

no subject

1/2

2/2

no subject

1/3

2/3

3/3 (messed up the order but Aubrey can next!)

no subject

1/2

2/2

no subject

1/2

2/2

no subject

1/?

2/?

3/?

4/?

5/?

6/?

7/?

8/? my god

9/?

10/?

11/?