rollcharisma | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[Oh, Eren’s just… going for it. That’s surprising. The memories he’s shared, intentionally or otherwise, have been bittersweet at best. But she hears him loud and clear, and nods affirmatively.]

[Why just her, indeed....]

[To Armin:] We can. And… have. Not always intentionally. [She watches Eren with that last part. And, noticing that came through, tries for more:] Last time it started okay. But then it just… went haywire, and—

Okay. [More information. Looking between the two, now;] Context, it didn’t stay good, you could’ve figured that out from the phrasing… [And to Eren:] I still don’t know why. [She’s fine with that one being silenced. Maybe Eren (and hopefully not Armin, considering…) can read her lips for it.]

[Eren has been trying to read Aubrey's lips this entire time, though he has no skill for it. He does catch what he thinks is a "don't know why" though, and it makes his heart sink just slightly; with what? Regret? Embarrassment, maybe? Mix them both together and you've got shame.

[He thinks again about Aubrey's cold, "I love you." He squeezes her hand again. There's this deep, compulsive desire to be alone with her. He's only felt something like that for one other person.]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Glancing at Armin.]

Our minds can shape the world around us. Whether or not we're in control is another thing...

The last time things went badly, ["Don't know why,"] my mind went to a bad place.

[His eyes are back on Aubrey's; an apology.]

That's what happened.

[That sends a little chill down Armin's spine. It's no secret that Eren Jaeger's mind is a dangerous place, but...not always in such a literal sense. He can only wonder what actually happened in this scenario they're describing; he's not entirely sure that it's relevant, however.]

Not to be cynical, but it's difficult to believe that there isn't some sort of third party at play here; still...

Are you saying Aubrey's subconscious might be influencing what's happening? It's not impossible...

[A slightly wary look at Aubrey.]

Is there something you're worried about? Something you're trying to avoid...?

[Making Eren angry? That's Armin's first thought. He knows the feeling.]

[“Went to a bad place”… He could say that again. What preceded that, exactly? They thought they were on top of the world; Aubrey hasn’t considered it, but maybe it was a punishment? Yet the apology in Eren’s eyes suggests otherwise. Or at least that he blames himself....]

R-right. [A verbal response to Armin, about the third party, but her concerned stare lingers with Eren. It would have no matter what Armin said, just about; but Armin’s wariness keeps it there.

[Is this her fault…? There’s a chill down Aubrey’s spine, too, at that thought—like a sudden winter storm. Her gaze drops altogether.] Feels like there’s always something, lately… But right now, it’s just this.

[Although, not long ago…] That’s not fair— But, ah… [Steel yourself. Eren still has her hand.] Maybe it’s not so bad, in that case…

[Out of all the things they've had to deal with since coming here, this wouldn't even be close to the worst. Still, it's gotten deeply under Eren's skin. He doesn't like that Aubrey is being targeted. This world has him on edge (as if his own weren't good enough at that). That's why he won't let go.

[Frustration spikes in him.]

This isn't working.

We can't tell what it's trying to keep from us.

Edited 2023-10-09 02:08 (UTC)

Aubrey, if you had something to write with, would you be able to write down just what you're saying?

[Wait, “keep from us”? Does Eren think she’s lying? Every other thing, if not every single thing, has been completely, almost too, h—]

[Armin coming in clutch again, thank god.] Yeah, I. I can do that. [Looking up and around, scanning the signs…

[Stupid technology section, set up like no one writes anymore. It’s a considerable walk.] Stationery. [She lets go of one hand (or, if Eren won’t allow that, just nods) to point in the direction.] We’ll figure this out.

We have to. [It would’ve been quiet anyway.]

[Eren will allow her to drop one hand, for the sake of walking if nothing else, but he keeps a firm hold of the other, even as they start making their way toward the stationary.]

[Armin follows.]

This will be good. If we can figure out what words are being censored, maybe we can find a pattern. That has to be the first step, don't you think?

[There's a short pause for thought.]

Aubrey, to test this theory I have a bit...try talking about something that's a bit difficult, would you? While writing, I mean.

[“Censored”? She allows him the pause, but:]

It’s not censoring. It’s just— [Taking words and blanking them out, lest they be heard. …Aubrey trails off voluntarily, there.]

Anyway, I… guess I can do that. [Not looking forward to it, but… she doesn’t have to go for the most difficult thing. Surely.] Any… requests? [Half-sardonic, half-genuine. She’d rather not put all her worst thoughts on a reel to sift for just the right one.]

[Quietly, only to Aubrey, going so far as to lean in close to her ear when he speaks:]

Not the barracks.

[Armin catches it all the same. What exactly have these two been through since meeting...?]

Maybe you can start by talking about the memories we all witnessed. No surprises there...

[Eren: not the barracks. Armin: yeah, how about the barra— Oh, wait, he said memories they all witnessed. Can do.]

Okay. If you’re both okay with that…

[Eren, she means Eren. He didn’t seem phased at the time, but Aubrey wants to check all the same. Especially since she has to let go entirely now, to take a pen and notebook. He and Armin get to witness the wonders of plastic packaging.]

Makes sense to me.

[He can steel himself, in that case. The memories are fresh on everyone's minds, and he's already numbed himself to them. Armin's smart for that. It's the best case scenario, and they both know it.]

I'll be alright.

Go on, Aubrey. You can do this.

[Geez. If anyone needs the reassurance it is, once again, not her. But she won’t bother trying to voice that, at least not outright.]

I’ll be fine. It’s— [Wait.]

[Thus Aubrey sets the paper on the nearest pile, and starts writing. Her handwriting, especially in a slight rush like this, is… not the best, but legible enough if they’re paying attention to the motions.] It’s you guys.. who I’m more.. worried about.

[The writing precedes her speech a bit, and the brief pause with each phrase continues. It gives her time to consider her words more, though impatience gnaws at her early.] I can’t imagine seeing anyone [that gets underlined] get eaten like that, never mind a close friend.

How did you make it back, after that? [There’s a darker implication lurking here—that if Aubrey saw anything like it in the flesh, in either position? Eren was right. “You’d drop dead from the goddamn shock.”

[…She’s really glad she’s not facing Eren, right now.]

Edited (phrased smthn weird) 2023-10-09 04:19 (UTC)

[Somewhere down the line, Eren forgets to take note of which parts he can and can’t hear clearly. It feels like the memory in question is playing on a field of synchronized screens all over again. But he needs to keep his emotions in check.

[His answer is detached and clinical.]

While inside the Titan, I transformed for the first time. I ripped out of it from the inside with the power of the Attack Titan.

[Armin is similarly distracted. He’s looking at neither Eren, nor Aubrey as he speaks. His gaze is somewhere between them, off and far away.]

I didn’t plan on making it back.

I meant to take my own life. But my friend wouldn’t let me…

[It’s the first time Eren will have heard any of this.]

[Eren’s eyes go slightly wide.]

What the hell…?

[Aubrey drops the pen immediately. Even Eren sounds startled. She’d turn, but is struck again with the feeling this isn’t her moment.]

[How did his friend stop him? She wants to apologize for asking. It catches in her throat.]

[Armin's eyes go to Eren when he speaks. Yeah. He thought that might disturb him; knowing Eren, it might even make him angry. A coward's way out, or something like that. But Armin...]

I blamed myself.

[Tears brim in his eyes for what feels like the hundredth time today.]

Our entire squad was eaten in front of my eyes, and then...and then you.

You were eaten trying to save me - because I couldn't move. Because I just sat there!

[His eyes go back to the floor. He crosses his arms over his chest.]

That was a long time ago. I got over it. I grew up...

If you want to be angry at me for giving up, or something like that - well, I didn't. So...

I'm not angry at you.

[Yet, he does sound...agitated somehow.

[To think he might have survived all that, just to find out that Armin had taken his own life in response...It does make him angry; just...not at Armin, really.

[He reaches over with his free hand. He grips Armin's shoulder tight, as much as glaring into his eyes.

[He doesn't say anything else. Just...holds that position for a few minutes, then drops his hand.

[Then, his attention goes to Aubrey. There's no doubt what she must be thinking about...His thumb strokes distantly at her hand.]

I couldn't tell if any words cut out. Sorry.

[She hadn’t said anything.]

[When they both fall silent Aubrey grabs at the pen and starts writing something else—big, ignoring the lines, pressing hard into the paper. She makes no effort to say it. When Eren strokes her hand she jerks it away without thinking.]

[It reads, though Aubrey doesn’t move to draw attention to it:] What saved you?

[Eren isn't expecting Aubrey to jerk her hand away. Slightly offended, he pulls his back too. What Armin says next yanks Eren's head in his direction, the withdrawn hand immediately forgotten.]

"It was Mikasa."

[A knife in Eren's heart, ever twisting.

[Mikasa. It feels like half of his body falls away. The last time he saw her, the last thing he said to her; and she's still chasing after him. Mikasa. There's a pit in his gut, swallowing him from the inside. Mikasa.]

[Armin continues.]

We were stranded on a rooftop, running out of fuel.

I gave the last of mine to her. I told her to leave me behind. I took a blade. I said it was because I didn't want to be eaten, and that was true, but...

[It wasn't just that. He fails to say this.]

She took the blade from me and threw it over the side of the building. I don't remember her exact words, but...she needed me. My comrades needed me, so...I stayed.

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