rollcharisma | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[She hadn’t said anything.]

[When they both fall silent Aubrey grabs at the pen and starts writing something else—big, ignoring the lines, pressing hard into the paper. She makes no effort to say it. When Eren strokes her hand she jerks it away without thinking.]

[It reads, though Aubrey doesn’t move to draw attention to it:] What saved you?

[Eren isn't expecting Aubrey to jerk her hand away. Slightly offended, he pulls his back too. What Armin says next yanks Eren's head in his direction, the withdrawn hand immediately forgotten.]

"It was Mikasa."

[A knife in Eren's heart, ever twisting.

[Mikasa. It feels like half of his body falls away. The last time he saw her, the last thing he said to her; and she's still chasing after him. Mikasa. There's a pit in his gut, swallowing him from the inside. Mikasa.]

[Armin continues.]

We were stranded on a rooftop, running out of fuel.

I gave the last of mine to her. I told her to leave me behind. I took a blade. I said it was because I didn't want to be eaten, and that was true, but...

[It wasn't just that. He fails to say this.]

She took the blade from me and threw it over the side of the building. I don't remember her exact words, but...she needed me. My comrades needed me, so...I stayed.

[Mikasa. Eren’s… sister?

[Feels like she should be here.]

[“I stayed.”]

[Aubrey shoots Armin a sorry look; a condolence, an apology. A flicker to Eren, too—and then, if they don’t stop her, she’ll walk off for a little while.

[Not to drown. She’ll be back.]

[Aubrey leaves, and Eren's heart seizes. If it weren't for his pride, he'd reach after her, but he has to trust that she'll be back. In a way, he gets it. This should really be a conversation for he and Armin, even if he isn't quite ready for that.

[He turns to his friend, lips tight; his voice betrays some anxiety, though.]

You never told me that.

[It almost sounds accusatory; as if he has any right.]

[Eren's prying isn't exactly well-received; all the same, Armin doesn't resist it. What they're talking about has nothing to do with the present (or does it?). It makes sense Eren would be surprised; maybe even hurt.]

It's like I said, Eren.

That was a long time ago.

I had things under control.

I told you I wasn't going to die like that.

[At this, Armin surprises even himself with a scoff. Guilt floods his eyes only a moment later, but...]

You had no way of knowing whether or not you'd survive, and neither did I. You always think you have everything under control; that's not always the case--

Are we really going to argue about this right now? It's in the past. I've grown up - I already said that.

And I didn't do it. That's why I didn't tell you.

[Eren takes in a deep breath, teeth gritting before he can let it out; he has to exhale through them. His fists clench at his sides.

[He might have lost Armin all those years ago.]

Even if you thought I was dead, my sacrifice would have meant nothing if you'd killed yourself too.

And I didn't kill myself, did I? And you didn't die. So it doesn't matter. Can we agree on that? Please?

[Another scoff - more like a humorless laugh, incredulous.]

I can't believe you're actually going on about this. Considering your plans? You really have the gall?

It's different.

It isn't, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop insulting my intelligence and acting like I'm stupid - acting like I don't know you, or that I'm the foolish one for not believing all your bullshit lies.

Dammit, Eren. We didn't want to lose you then, and we don't now. But you're tired of hearing it, right? You're tired of hearing that the people who love you want you to be okay.

We don't support your plans, so we're idiots? Is that really what you think? Or are you just running from us too?

Edited 2023-10-09 18:09 (UTC)

I'm doing this for you.

You don't want to hear that either.

God, stop! Just stop!

Stop repeating the same thing over and over - I'm sick of it!

[He's shouting, but the tears are overflowing from his eyes again. He looks desperate. He feels desperate.]

Maybe we'll never agree. Maybe I am stupid for even trying, but I can't...I can't give up on you. I won't, and if that makes you hate me, then that's something we both just have to accept.

Idiot!

[He grabs Armin by his collar. He yanks him against his chest. He grips him, two arms, one hand to the back of the head. His body melts into the embrace; God, but he's needed it.

[Armin dead. Armin dying. Because of him. Because of him. Because of him.]

I could never hate you, you stupid asshole.

[Armin's breath catches in his chest. He chokes on it, voice breaking into a desperate sob. He clings to Eren - two arms, one hand to the back of the head.]

Th-then quit acting like it, you stupid asshole!

[He holds him, he holds him, he holds him, he holds him.]

[It’s Armin’s shout that wrests Aubrey from her predictable little fugue. She’s been mostly out of earshot, but that’s a cue to at least venture back, to make sure they’re okay…]

[They’re embracing. Armin’s sobbing. Eren’s holding him; they’re holding each other.]

[She backs away, silent. Her heart tells her they really need this.]

[They take their time. Eren and Armin stay locked in their embrace until Armin starts to calm, and the sharp, painful tension in Eren's heart starts to release, as if it's just now allowed to beat again.

[But it can't last forever.]

[And they both know, deep down, that this won't change anything; at least, it probably won't. Armin clings to that probably...]

[Eren senses Aubrey before he can see her. It always seems to happen that way. Any time the world spits them back out, he appears and hones in on her instantly; an innate sense, just as important as sight or sound.

[He lets go of Armin a little too quickly, but not without giving the back of his head one more strong grip. Armin relents, wiping at his eyes and nodding, muttering something that can't be heard - a soft "thank you", or something like that, Eren is sure.

[He searches for his Detriment.]

[She’s no voyeur; the shuffled sounds of a concluding embrace—deafening, almost echoing, here—bring Aubrey’s attention back.]

[Uncertain, she steps back into view. Just a quick glance tells her Eren’s attention is all hers; it feels fundamentally wrong, that he’s just had a moment with Armin and is breaking it so sharply. Aubrey knows she’d be stung, at least, in Armin’s place.]

[She looks away from them both, arms lightly folded. There’s no point asking how they’re doing, is there?]

[There wouldn't be much point, no. Neither would have a good answer. Eren's pride is rearing its ugly head again; although, he never would have been embarrassed at showing Armin affection in the past. Just another facet of not being able to live with himself and what he's done, maybe. He doesn't deserve his friend's affection.]

Where did you go?

[Even Armin is a little embarrassed, but maybe that's due to the sensation that he shouldn't be forgiving Eren so easily. Maybe he doesn't deserve his friend's affection. But how could Armin help it, really? He has forgiven him. He always will, somehow...]

Are you alright, Aubrey?

[What Eren should be asking.]

[Maybe it’s less about whether any of them deserve anything; they’re getting it anyway, for better and (much, much) worse. For now, at least, they have each other. And the camera shifts, ever-uncomfortably, back to Aubrey.]

Just, ah… needed a moment. [Not really answering either of them. Still not looking, either.] I’ll keep back, if either of you need [want] more time…

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