I really can't describe how strange it felt to learn that there was an entire world outside of what we knew.
It's easy to talk freely about it now - Paradis, Marley. An island, a continent. But we didn't even know what the word "island" meant for most of our lives. All we knew was what was inside the walls. We might have thought the world outside was worth exploring, but as far as we knew, all of humanity lived inside of those walls...
[He shakes his head, brow pinching together in a pained expression.]
The population of Paradis made up only 20% of the world's population, and we thought that was all there was.
[She just squeezes his hand. Imagining that boat going back and forth, back and forth, day after day… always a straight line, never off course. Like the pacing of a caged animal.]
[She’s starting to notice that Armin smiles a lot. It’s nothing new, really; maybe it’s the scene, peaceful and quiet, that makes it stand out more. He doesn’t have to force it.
[But she gets it.]
[Aubrey nods, quiet again for a while. The ocean must’ve been a fairytale next to this, and then he saw it. And now…]
You know, when you talked about making life beautiful here… what would that look like to you? [Somehow she doubts it’s the flat backdrop.]
[Correct; having no idea where Eren and his fangirl went will bring Levi so much peace when he wakes up!]
Hah. I wouldn’t call it cheap… just cheesy. [As if they haven’t been utter saps within inches of their lives; just last talk, even. It’s hard to sound too teasing even now, watching Armin run his fingers through Eren’s hair.]
You think we’d all survive in an empty room together? [It’s fortunate that, with Eren and Reiner having apparently reconciled, Aubrey can say this and mean it as a joke.]
[Oh yeah. Armin would have taken that question a lot more seriously before he and the others took a detour home.]
Not without going a little insane, I don't think. [With yet another smile.]
You said that Eren and Reiner are getting along now? I haven't seen him yet - Reiner, I mean.
That really is a fortunate thing if they are. [To put it lightly.] They care about each other a lot, I think.
[In Armin's lap, Eren's body tenses. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything...]
Well. Anyway. What do you think would make this world beautiful, Aubrey? Honestly, I'd be surprised if your answer was much different than mine, though you wouldn't have me believe it. [There is some teasing there.]
[That tension… Aubrey’s brow creases slightly at it, and she’s glad Armin also seems eager to move on. She is fairly sure Eren and Reiner parted on good terms. But she’ll have to ask....]
[For now, she meets Armin’s tease with a playful] Hmph. I guess we wouldn’t go too insane....
But[, more genuinely,] you’re right. I guess I’d want some different people, too, but it’s the same idea.... No invasive games, or anything. More like this, just… being together. Anywhere.
[She cannot fathom a scenario in which at least one person’s anxieties wouldn’t get projected for all to see.]
[She sighs. It’s still an ache, but it’s duller after Armin held her through it.]
To be fair… you guys could really use the break. [It’s not so much that Aubrey doesn’t want to talk about it; she just… has, sort of. What else is there to say?] I know we’d all move on with our lives anywhere… but there’s just. So much you guys haven’t gotten to see.
[Aubrey frowns, looking at Armin more closely after that. But she’ll answer him first.]
It’s mostly them, really. My friends. [A quick glance away.] And my pet rabbit… but they must be taking care of him now.
[She has to assume (hope, being perfectly honest with herself) that one of them, Hero maybe, thought to go back for him. If time is passing, and all. Bun-Bun doesn’t like to be alone too long. Her mother sure as hell isn’t feeding him....]
—Anyway, I. [Aubrey was distant for a bit, there.] I guess I don’t have much else to go back to, either.
[There’s an unspoken question after that. Either…?]
[It’s not something she’s thought about; maybe more accurately, it’s not something she’s let herself think about. Eren said he’d have never gone back if he had a say in it. He didn’t mention that, as he marched inevitably onward, he had no recollection of this.
[Is that a comfort? No one’s missed Aubrey; they couldn’t. They can’t. Is that a horror? And if, for any reason, Aubrey herself is thrown back, then she’ll…]
[Her hand, laid idly on Eren’s shin til now, tightens.]
[He'd suspected - hoped, maybe - that nothing could transpire back at home while he and Eren were stuck in this realm; then again, he'd also hoped that maybe the influence of this place could have affected things. As it turns out, that wasn't the case, and now eighty percent of the human population has been crushed.
[You idiot.
[He barely even notices the thought. He certainly doesn't know that it's been shared.]
It could be a comfort, maybe. [Lamely:] You won't have to worry about your rabbit.
[It’s a dreadful memory. Armin, young, his hair still long, standing in front of a full length mirror. The room reflected is empty - two beds and scarcely anything else. He’s staring at himself, tears slowly sliding down his cheeks. But he looks angry.]
You’re worthless.
[The hatred in his tone is more than palpable; it’s inescapable. He speaks through shaky breaths and withheld sobs, biting down hard on his lip when he starts to allow himself too much reprieve.]
You’re a worthless, stupid piece of shit.
Everyone is counting on you, and all you do— [He cuts himself off with the shortest little gasp of a sob. Then he reels his hand back and slaps himself hard in the face.
[There’s a long moment of silence, his head hung.]
All you do…is put the people you love at risk.
They chose you. This? This is how you repay them?
You’re a coward. You’re weak.
[Then, one full sob. He slaps his hand over his mouth to hide the sound. When he removes it:]
They should have let you die instea—-
[A voice through the door, calling. It’s Eren’s.]
“We gotta get going, Armin.”
[All at once, his demeanor changes. He straightens where he’s standing, quickly wiping the tears from his eyes. When he calls back, his voice is easy and pleasant. There’s not a trace of negative emotion left.]
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[She wasn’t sure, really; but that’s confirmation enough. Actually, she didn’t realize it wasn’t quite Armin’s....]
More than either of you ever dreamed, I guess.
[His father’s memories… Aubrey clamps that thought before Armin sees something he shouldn’t.]
It’s a lot.
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It's easy to talk freely about it now - Paradis, Marley. An island, a continent. But we didn't even know what the word "island" meant for most of our lives. All we knew was what was inside the walls. We might have thought the world outside was worth exploring, but as far as we knew, all of humanity lived inside of those walls...
[He shakes his head, brow pinching together in a pained expression.]
The population of Paradis made up only 20% of the world's population, and we thought that was all there was.
We were so ignorant back then...
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[More to Paradis; so much less than a world.]
[She just squeezes his hand. Imagining that boat going back and forth, back and forth, day after day… always a straight line, never off course. Like the pacing of a caged animal.]
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The Scout Regiment, you know...our entire purpose was to venture outside the walls, see what there was to see.
Eren really idolized them when we were kids. They'd come back with less numbers every time, but it never stopped them...
[There's a weighted pause.]
You know...in the end...that was really all for nothing, wasn't it?
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Nothing…?
[But you saw the ocean. Naive, isn’t it?]
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You're right. That matters. [He really means it.
[Stories, laughter, dreams; just because it's over doesn't mean it didn't matter.]
Thank you, Aubrey.
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[She’s starting to notice that Armin smiles a lot. It’s nothing new, really; maybe it’s the scene, peaceful and quiet, that makes it stand out more. He doesn’t have to force it.
[But she gets it.]
[Aubrey nods, quiet again for a while. The ocean must’ve been a fairytale next to this, and then he saw it. And now…]
You know, when you talked about making life beautiful here… what would that look like to you? [Somehow she doubts it’s the flat backdrop.]
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The beauty is really in the people you're with, don't you think?
Maybe that's a cheap answer. [His fingers comb through Eren's loose hair.]
All of those things I mentioned - the fiery water, lights in the sky, the sea - I want to see them all again, sure, but...
If it was just you and Eren and I - Mikasa and Reiner too - sitting in an empty room? I'd find that beautiful too.
[Don't mind him Not Thinking About Bertholdt and allowing Levi the peace that comes with being nowhere near them.]
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[Correct; having no idea where Eren and his fangirl went will bring Levi so much peace when he wakes up!]
Hah. I wouldn’t call it cheap… just cheesy. [As if they haven’t been utter saps within inches of their lives; just last talk, even. It’s hard to sound too teasing even now, watching Armin run his fingers through Eren’s hair.]
You think we’d all survive in an empty room together? [It’s fortunate that, with Eren and Reiner having apparently reconciled, Aubrey can say this and mean it as a joke.]
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Not without going a little insane, I don't think. [With yet another smile.]
You said that Eren and Reiner are getting along now? I haven't seen him yet - Reiner, I mean.
That really is a fortunate thing if they are. [To put it lightly.] They care about each other a lot, I think.
[In Armin's lap, Eren's body tenses. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything...]
Well. Anyway. What do you think would make this world beautiful, Aubrey? Honestly, I'd be surprised if your answer was much different than mine, though you wouldn't have me believe it. [There is some teasing there.]
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[That tension… Aubrey’s brow creases slightly at it, and she’s glad Armin also seems eager to move on. She is fairly sure Eren and Reiner parted on good terms. But she’ll have to ask....]
[For now, she meets Armin’s tease with a playful] Hmph. I guess we wouldn’t go too insane....
But[, more genuinely,] you’re right. I guess I’d want some different people, too, but it’s the same idea.... No invasive games, or anything. More like this, just… being together. Anywhere.
[She cannot fathom a scenario in which at least one person’s anxieties wouldn’t get projected for all to see.]
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It isn't really fair, is it? That we get so many from home, and you get so few...
I'm sorry for that, Aubrey.
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[She did.]
[She sighs. It’s still an ache, but it’s duller after Armin held her through it.]
To be fair… you guys could really use the break. [It’s not so much that Aubrey doesn’t want to talk about it; she just… has, sort of. What else is there to say?] I know we’d all move on with our lives anywhere… but there’s just. So much you guys haven’t gotten to see.
[My world is privileged.] It’s not the same.
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I guess you're right about that.
You and your friends...you must have something to lose by being here.
I really can't say that that's the same for most of us. At least, I know it's not the same for me.
[Glancing at her.] Not to assume, or anything like that.
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[“It’s not the same for me.”
[Aubrey frowns, looking at Armin more closely after that. But she’ll answer him first.]
It’s mostly them, really. My friends. [A quick glance away.] And my pet rabbit… but they must be taking care of him now.
[She has to assume (hope, being perfectly honest with herself) that one of them, Hero maybe, thought to go back for him. If time is passing, and all. Bun-Bun doesn’t like to be alone too long. Her mother sure as hell isn’t feeding him....]
—Anyway, I. [Aubrey was distant for a bit, there.] I guess I don’t have much else to go back to, either.
[There’s an unspoken question after that. Either…?]
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Aubrey...
I'm realizing now that I must not have told you, but...[Oh, and he feels just terrible about it, actually.]
When I went back home, it was like no time had passed at all. I didn't remember this place. Not one thing about it...
[Granted, all of his focus at the time had been poured entirely into stopping The Rumbling, but still...]
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[She stares at him for a while, blank and quiet.]
[Very, very softly:] …Oh.
[It’s not something she’s thought about; maybe more accurately, it’s not something she’s let herself think about. Eren said he’d have never gone back if he had a say in it. He didn’t mention that, as he marched inevitably onward, he had no recollection of this.
[Is that a comfort? No one’s missed Aubrey; they couldn’t. They can’t. Is that a horror? And if, for any reason, Aubrey herself is thrown back, then she’ll…]
[Her hand, laid idly on Eren’s shin til now, tightens.]
That’s strange.
[I don’t like it.]
[What else is there to say…?]
Thanks. For… telling me, now.
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[He'd suspected - hoped, maybe - that nothing could transpire back at home while he and Eren were stuck in this realm; then again, he'd also hoped that maybe the influence of this place could have affected things. As it turns out, that wasn't the case, and now eighty percent of the human population has been crushed.
[You idiot.
[He barely even notices the thought. He certainly doesn't know that it's been shared.]
It could be a comfort, maybe. [Lamely:] You won't have to worry about your rabbit.
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[Softly:] Armin…?
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[“I know it’s not the same for me.”]
Do you… want to talk about it?
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Just...about that? [He's a very good liar. He looks genuinely unsure, like he doesn't quite know what Aubrey's talking about.]
There's not much to talk about, really. You know how things are back in my world. I'd rather be here. That's all.
[As if you could stand showing your face.]
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[She shifts closer to him, taking his hand in both of hers.] That’s not what your thoughts are telling me.
here lies flyleaf 1/2
You’re worthless.
[The hatred in his tone is more than palpable; it’s inescapable. He speaks through shaky breaths and withheld sobs, biting down hard on his lip when he starts to allow himself too much reprieve.]
You’re a worthless, stupid piece of shit.
Everyone is counting on you, and all you do— [He cuts himself off with the shortest little gasp of a sob. Then he reels his hand back and slaps himself hard in the face.
[There’s a long moment of silence, his head hung.]
All you do…is put the people you love at risk.
They chose you. This? This is how you repay them?
You’re a coward. You’re weak.
[Then, one full sob. He slaps his hand over his mouth to hide the sound. When he removes it:]
They should have let you die instea—-
[A voice through the door, calling. It’s Eren’s.]
“We gotta get going, Armin.”
[All at once, his demeanor changes. He straightens where he’s standing, quickly wiping the tears from his eyes. When he calls back, his voice is easy and pleasant. There’s not a trace of negative emotion left.]
Just one second, Eren!
2/2 she’s awake!
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