[Aubrey frowns, looking at Armin more closely after that. But she’ll answer him first.]
It’s mostly them, really. My friends. [A quick glance away.] And my pet rabbit… but they must be taking care of him now.
[She has to assume (hope, being perfectly honest with herself) that one of them, Hero maybe, thought to go back for him. If time is passing, and all. Bun-Bun doesn’t like to be alone too long. Her mother sure as hell isn’t feeding him....]
—Anyway, I. [Aubrey was distant for a bit, there.] I guess I don’t have much else to go back to, either.
[There’s an unspoken question after that. Either…?]
[It’s not something she’s thought about; maybe more accurately, it’s not something she’s let herself think about. Eren said he’d have never gone back if he had a say in it. He didn’t mention that, as he marched inevitably onward, he had no recollection of this.
[Is that a comfort? No one’s missed Aubrey; they couldn’t. They can’t. Is that a horror? And if, for any reason, Aubrey herself is thrown back, then she’ll…]
[Her hand, laid idly on Eren’s shin til now, tightens.]
[He'd suspected - hoped, maybe - that nothing could transpire back at home while he and Eren were stuck in this realm; then again, he'd also hoped that maybe the influence of this place could have affected things. As it turns out, that wasn't the case, and now eighty percent of the human population has been crushed.
[You idiot.
[He barely even notices the thought. He certainly doesn't know that it's been shared.]
It could be a comfort, maybe. [Lamely:] You won't have to worry about your rabbit.
[It’s a dreadful memory. Armin, young, his hair still long, standing in front of a full length mirror. The room reflected is empty - two beds and scarcely anything else. He’s staring at himself, tears slowly sliding down his cheeks. But he looks angry.]
You’re worthless.
[The hatred in his tone is more than palpable; it’s inescapable. He speaks through shaky breaths and withheld sobs, biting down hard on his lip when he starts to allow himself too much reprieve.]
You’re a worthless, stupid piece of shit.
Everyone is counting on you, and all you do— [He cuts himself off with the shortest little gasp of a sob. Then he reels his hand back and slaps himself hard in the face.
[There’s a long moment of silence, his head hung.]
All you do…is put the people you love at risk.
They chose you. This? This is how you repay them?
You’re a coward. You’re weak.
[Then, one full sob. He slaps his hand over his mouth to hide the sound. When he removes it:]
They should have let you die instea—-
[A voice through the door, calling. It’s Eren’s.]
“We gotta get going, Armin.”
[All at once, his demeanor changes. He straightens where he’s standing, quickly wiping the tears from his eyes. When he calls back, his voice is easy and pleasant. There’s not a trace of negative emotion left.]
[For the moment, it is unwelcome. He goes stiff when she touches him, frozen there in place. He's mortified. He's disgusted. The memory doesn't sadden him; it infuriates him. How could he let that slip through? How could he show them both that?
[He waits for her to pull away. Eren is shifting in his lap. The perfect detraction.
[Almost idly - it sounds bizarrely numb for Armin:]
[When Aubrey reaches for Eren's cheek, he reaches for hers. He can't help but give her his gaze for a moment. It feels like it's been days since he saw her last. How long was he asleep?
[He pushes himself up, Armin bracing him as he awkwardly twists himself out of their laps so he can sit on the ground himself. Once he settles, he points his stare at Armin.]
[Eren doesn't see much point in arguing. Armin is right. That memory is years old. Still, it makes Eren's heart twist with shame. How much time did Armin spend smacking himself in front of mirrors? And Eren never knew.
[He looks at Aubrey, seeking to exchange a glance. Maybe they both know that they won't get anywhere with him like this...]
How long was I asleep? [As if time can really be quantified here.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I guess you're right about that.
You and your friends...you must have something to lose by being here.
I really can't say that that's the same for most of us. At least, I know it's not the same for me.
[Glancing at her.] Not to assume, or anything like that.
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[“It’s not the same for me.”
[Aubrey frowns, looking at Armin more closely after that. But she’ll answer him first.]
It’s mostly them, really. My friends. [A quick glance away.] And my pet rabbit… but they must be taking care of him now.
[She has to assume (hope, being perfectly honest with herself) that one of them, Hero maybe, thought to go back for him. If time is passing, and all. Bun-Bun doesn’t like to be alone too long. Her mother sure as hell isn’t feeding him....]
—Anyway, I. [Aubrey was distant for a bit, there.] I guess I don’t have much else to go back to, either.
[There’s an unspoken question after that. Either…?]
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Aubrey...
I'm realizing now that I must not have told you, but...[Oh, and he feels just terrible about it, actually.]
When I went back home, it was like no time had passed at all. I didn't remember this place. Not one thing about it...
[Granted, all of his focus at the time had been poured entirely into stopping The Rumbling, but still...]
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[She stares at him for a while, blank and quiet.]
[Very, very softly:] …Oh.
[It’s not something she’s thought about; maybe more accurately, it’s not something she’s let herself think about. Eren said he’d have never gone back if he had a say in it. He didn’t mention that, as he marched inevitably onward, he had no recollection of this.
[Is that a comfort? No one’s missed Aubrey; they couldn’t. They can’t. Is that a horror? And if, for any reason, Aubrey herself is thrown back, then she’ll…]
[Her hand, laid idly on Eren’s shin til now, tightens.]
That’s strange.
[I don’t like it.]
[What else is there to say…?]
Thanks. For… telling me, now.
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[He'd suspected - hoped, maybe - that nothing could transpire back at home while he and Eren were stuck in this realm; then again, he'd also hoped that maybe the influence of this place could have affected things. As it turns out, that wasn't the case, and now eighty percent of the human population has been crushed.
[You idiot.
[He barely even notices the thought. He certainly doesn't know that it's been shared.]
It could be a comfort, maybe. [Lamely:] You won't have to worry about your rabbit.
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[Softly:] Armin…?
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[“I know it’s not the same for me.”]
Do you… want to talk about it?
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Just...about that? [He's a very good liar. He looks genuinely unsure, like he doesn't quite know what Aubrey's talking about.]
There's not much to talk about, really. You know how things are back in my world. I'd rather be here. That's all.
[As if you could stand showing your face.]
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[She shifts closer to him, taking his hand in both of hers.] That’s not what your thoughts are telling me.
here lies flyleaf 1/2
You’re worthless.
[The hatred in his tone is more than palpable; it’s inescapable. He speaks through shaky breaths and withheld sobs, biting down hard on his lip when he starts to allow himself too much reprieve.]
You’re a worthless, stupid piece of shit.
Everyone is counting on you, and all you do— [He cuts himself off with the shortest little gasp of a sob. Then he reels his hand back and slaps himself hard in the face.
[There’s a long moment of silence, his head hung.]
All you do…is put the people you love at risk.
They chose you. This? This is how you repay them?
You’re a coward. You’re weak.
[Then, one full sob. He slaps his hand over his mouth to hide the sound. When he removes it:]
They should have let you die instea—-
[A voice through the door, calling. It’s Eren’s.]
“We gotta get going, Armin.”
[All at once, his demeanor changes. He straightens where he’s standing, quickly wiping the tears from his eyes. When he calls back, his voice is easy and pleasant. There’s not a trace of negative emotion left.]
Just one second, Eren!
2/2 she’s awake!
💀🪦
[She throws her arms around him.] Armin—
[It’s tight; fleeting, in case unwelcome, but she can’t pull back far.] Armin… [Just his name, heartbroken.]
1/2
[He waits for her to pull away. Eren is shifting in his lap. The perfect detraction.
[Almost idly - it sounds bizarrely numb for Armin:]
You're awake...
2/2
What...was that for?
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[Hasty, then. Aubrey used to be more distant. She lets go when Armin goes stiff, but Eren keeps her close— Eren!
[She reaches for his cheek, almost in disbelief. Only mouthing an echo: ‘You’re awake.’]
1/2
[He pushes himself up, Armin bracing him as he awkwardly twists himself out of their laps so he can sit on the ground himself. Once he settles, he points his stare at Armin.]
2/2
It was a long time ago.
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You know how this place works. [Insistent. Blurted before the world can share the thought. Not… quite annoyed, but. It’s an overwhelm.]
[Aubrey wants Eren; she wants Eren; it’s been too long. But her gaze, too, falls back on Armin.]
1/3
I don't know what you want me to say.
2/3
3/3
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[So they’ve had this talk before.]
We… we’re here for you, too, Armin.
That’s all. [It’s really not.]
1/2
I know. And I love you both for that. But I'm really alright.
[He isn't, of course. He's not even close.]
2/2
[He looks at Aubrey, seeking to exchange a glance. Maybe they both know that they won't get anywhere with him like this...]
How long was I asleep? [As if time can really be quantified here.]
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this icon is so mild wtf (1/1)
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1/1 armin is just listening
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1/2
2/2
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1/2
2/3 jk
3/3
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1/2
2/2
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1/1
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1/4 ICON ICON GOT TO USE THE ICON THE ICON THE--
2/4
3/4 eren decreeth the polycule THUSLY
4/4 ARMIN BLAST
1/2 THE ICONNNN we a little split but tis the spirit
2/2 aubreremin REAL
1/2
2/2