[It takes a few minutes. Aubrey forces herself to focus. She’s here—Eren is here, somewhere, maybe. Armin is here. Basil is not here, and all this drama does him no good anyway. She’s been told this. It just needs to get through her thick goddamn skull.]
[Leaving isn’t an option, and Aubrey meant it when she said she’d go back. Even if she’s visibly exhausted, and still red in the face. When she slumps back down in her booth she grabs the mug and takes a very, very long sip, not caring how hot it is.]
Hey. Sorry. [She slams the mug back down. Better if Armin focuses on the spill.] This place gives me the creeps. There’s no one working back there. [That she saw, anyway.]
[Armin notices the red face, the coffee-chugging, the mug-slamming - yeah, she's not doing too hot, is she? Still, he won't pry. Instead, he'll take a glance around the room. The bleak, surreal atmosphere, paired with her statement, makes his shoulders chill a bit.]
It is a bit unsettling, you're right.
[...
[Maybe he'll pry a little.]
Are...you alright? Well, I mean - do you want to talk...? About it?
[Shit, how does she answer that. It’s not like she’s subtle, never been a strong suit—but at this point Aubrey’s gotten kinda used to Eren’s distant staring, and she can deal with that (more or less). She extremely does not think she can deal with someone actually reaching out.]
[This guy’s seen war. What’s some scribbled-over photographs?]
[She watches the coffee swirl around in useless little circles.] You know, Armin, you’re really nice. [Yeah, just. Dodge the question entirely. Idle talk; her eyes don’t leave the mug.] Eren makes everything sound completely hopeless. But I think as long as humanity’s got people like you… [Quick sip. Much more casual.] …even your world can be alright, sometimes.
[At first, Aubrey simply nods. “Nice sentiment,” fair enough; she didn’t believe it when he said as much about her earlier, it’s fine.
[But the rest.]
[Aubrey watches Armin, more alert again, as he goes on. At least he’s not dismissing kindness wholesale. She doesn’t like that he’s confirming at least some of what Eren said, though, and it has her… angry? Irritated. Jesus, just take the damn compliment. Let something be easy, just once.]
Necessity of war. [It’s a much firmer statement this time.] I mean— I’m sure you have. Eren told me [why is she echoing him, suddenly?]—“To rise above monsters, we have to abandon your humanity.” You said that. I know that.
I’m just— I’m saying that can’t be it. [She’s sitting straight up now.] It can’t be cruel all the time. That’s not naive or foolish. [Who is this argument with, really?]
[What is with these guys and just… deflecting. Taking what she throws out and brushing it off. Unlike with Eren, Aubrey wasn’t trying to hurt Armin, but it’s still its own brand of… what, jarring? Armin doesn’t unsettle her at all.
[She stands by what she said in the first place, if anything.]
[As Armin talks about the world not being fully cruel; friends, families, laughter and stories and dreams… Aubrey visibly deflates. Exhaustion takes over again, dragging down her shoulders, and on his final note she picks up the mug again for another long, long drink. It’s a good excuse to swallow. Hides her face, while it lasts. She wonders if Armin has any pictures with his loved ones but the question catches in her throat.]
[Her mug’s empty and it doesn’t feel like it did a thing. Aubrey can’t bring herself to meet Armin’s smile, however slight, for more than a glimpse.] It’s, ah. No problem. [Would be nice to sink under the table, right about now.] Don’t mention it.
[Only slightly lifting her head, she watches his tapping. She swallows, again.] I never thought your world was hopeless. [It’s not a lie, she doesn’t think. Aubrey mumbles like it is one.]
I… I won’t believe him. I c—[Her voice catches and she silences it, immediately.]
[It could be a lie that she's never thought of their world as hopeless. If it is a lie, does that mean that Eren's been planting seeds in her head? Just like with the Jaegerists? Was he to blame for them at all? When did he become so manipulative? So insidious? So...
[No. Armin can't even think it. Eren Jaeger is not evil. He can't be...]
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked.
And you shouldn't believe him.
[At this, Armin tries to meet her eyes, to level a stare at her - firm, reassuring.]
[No, it’s fine, she wants to say. Which it’s not, but Aubrey looks up just in time to meet his stare and—
[“Our world is worth saving.” Without a doubt in his voice.]
[It’s not what Armin’s talking about at all—Aubrey’s barely touching the loss of one person, never mind countless in an act that everyone, even its perpetrator, can agree is horrific—but through that ever-warped lens…
[What Armin’s saying almost sounds like “Life gets better.” There’s still hope. There’s still tomorrow.
[There has to be.
It’s worth the fight.]
[Aubrey can’t meet Armin’s resolve, but she could hug him if not for the table. Instead she sits back up, and looks at him with something of a desperate admiration.]
It is. [There’s no doubt to that, now.] Thank you.
[Aubrey's sudden vigor is a little surprising, but Armin can't help but feel a little encouraged himself, seeing what good his words seem to have done. He might not be able to undo the damage that Eren's done back home, but...perhaps he can, in some small way, do so here - for Aubrey, at least.
[He's glad that she's eager not to believe Eren...]
There's no need to thank me. I've only told you the truth.
[After a moment, he smiles, inclines his head.]
I should be thanking you - all that insight. It's a comfort, somehow - even given the circumstances.
[The truth. Yeah. …It’s disquieting to realize Aubrey’s still not sure she can believe it, but for now she shoves that down, down. Armin believes it, and she believes Armin. That’s enough.]
“Insight,” huh… [She tries to muster a small smile back, though it’s an awkward gesture. The last few have been significantly… messier, to say the least, and hardly genuine. This one is, at best, polite.]
I guess if there’s anything else you want to know, I can tell you… I figured you’d know most of it already. [And dropped the name on you like a bat to the face.] But it’s not like I’m going anywhere.
[For once in her godforesaken life, Aubrey will try to be tactful. Her expression is already giving her away, though; she imagines this is how it might have felt, something close, to have to say, time and time again—I’m sorry. She’s gone. It doesn’t matter what Aubrey thinks about Eren, now; Armin was, maybe still is, his friend.
[Does Armin have an inkling already? Will this gut him on the spot? There’s no delaying the inevitable.] He said… “There’s no coming back”… for him.... [Hasty addition, as if it it might soften the blow:] I’m not trying to be evasive, he hasn’t said anything outright…
[Armin's jaw clenches as he listens. He feels his nostrils flare, his sinuses burn - there's no doubt his eyes are beginning to glisten. But he nods like a soldier.]
I understand.
Thank you.
[And that selfish bastard has tasked the people he loves with being the ones to take him out. He doesn't mean to say it out loud, but he does.]
[He wants to say that it won't end that way. He wants to say that they can save Eren - that they will save Eren, but...Hell...
[Would anyone want to come back from what Eren's done? Armin can't imagine that he would. So, it's a suicide mission; that shouldn't be surprising. What did Armin expect? That Eren would calmly stomp the world flat and then come back home like nothing had happened?
[His finger bumps idly against Aubrey's, the touch sending a little shockwave through him.
[He wants to be with him. He wants to take Eren's face in his hands. He wants to help him so badly...
[He feels tears on his cheeks, bringing his free hand up to brush away the warm, wet drops. When's the last time he cried like this...? When he speaks, he tries to keep his voice steady, but...it's coated with emotion all the same.]
We're going to figure something out.
We're going to bring him home.
[Or, they're going to kill him; an alternative too terrible to think about, and one Armin has been forced to face over and over again anyway. He can't speak it into truth. Not here. Not now.]
[Spoken with the devastated grit of someone who just can’t consider an alternative—or at least not say it.
[Aubrey can get that.]
[It’s a sad sight, when he was so bold just moments before—but not at all pathetic. The opposite, really; that even now, Armin can speak true to the hopeful alternative.... For all they know, he’s alone out here; there is no “we,” might not be a home to go back to.
[And yet.]
[She stays quiet, unmoving save for tired, slow breaths. An idea comes to her in the silence—but for now, Armin can take however long as he needs.]
[The moment crowds in on him. He pulls both hands from off the table and into his lap, averts his gaze from Aubrey. He just needs a minute, a couple of tears. Even with everything that's happened back home, Armin hasn't felt longing like this in what feels like ages. Maybe because, somehow, Eren seems closer here than he did back in their world.
[No Rumbling. They could really just talk, if only he were here...
[After a few moments, Armin takes a deep breath, then straightens in his seat again.]
[He does not sound alright, to her; but she’ll let him have that, too. Aubrey’s pulled back herself by now, having mirrored Armin’s withdrawal, and she replies with a small nod.]
You don’t have to apologize. [He didn’t even step away—not that Aubrey would’ve blamed him if he did.]
[She sighs. And after another moment, hesitant:] You know… if there’s anything you want to say to him…
You don’t have to think of anything right now. [And it goes without saying this isn’t a promise Aubrey is sure she can keep. But it feels like the least she can do.] But if I meet him again… I’ll pass it on.
[Hushed surprise washes over Armin's face. How had he not even considered this? This is a big deal, should...should he write him a letter, or...?
[No. There's no telling whether or not she'll actually have the letter with her next time she sees him. Anything can happen in this place. Armin's best bet is to give her something short and simple - something she can remember well enough to pass along to Eren faithfully.
[He doesn't have to give it much more thought than that.]
Please, if you would...
Tell Eren that I love him, and that we'll talk soon. Tell him it's a promise.
[God. He could not have chosen a more heartfelt message if he tried. Of course Armin wouldn’t want to give her anything personal, but…]
That’s… that means a lot. [She’d like to say it’ll mean a lot to Eren, specifically, but it’s… hard to tell. For now, one of her hands has trailed over her chest, and she closes it, palm inward, around the invisible note.] I’ll bring that to him best I can.
[The logistics of getting those words out, face-to-face with Eren Jaeger again, are for future-Aubrey to worry about. It’s for Armin’s sake, anyway. She can manage that much.] …Promise.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Bless Armin’s patience.]
[It takes a few minutes. Aubrey forces herself to focus. She’s here—Eren is here, somewhere, maybe. Armin is here. Basil is not here, and all this drama does him no good anyway. She’s been told this. It just needs to get through her thick goddamn skull.]
[Leaving isn’t an option, and Aubrey meant it when she said she’d go back. Even if she’s visibly exhausted, and still red in the face. When she slumps back down in her booth she grabs the mug and takes a very, very long sip, not caring how hot it is.]
Hey. Sorry. [She slams the mug back down. Better if Armin focuses on the spill.] This place gives me the creeps. There’s no one working back there. [That she saw, anyway.]
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It is a bit unsettling, you're right.
[...
[Maybe he'll pry a little.]
Are...you alright? Well, I mean - do you want to talk...? About it?
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[Shit, how does she answer that. It’s not like she’s subtle, never been a strong suit—but at this point Aubrey’s gotten kinda used to Eren’s distant staring, and she can deal with that (more or less). She extremely does not think she can deal with someone actually reaching out.]
[This guy’s seen war. What’s some scribbled-over photographs?]
[She watches the coffee swirl around in useless little circles.] You know, Armin, you’re really nice. [Yeah, just. Dodge the question entirely. Idle talk; her eyes don’t leave the mug.] Eren makes everything sound completely hopeless. But I think as long as humanity’s got people like you… [Quick sip. Much more casual.] …even your world can be alright, sometimes.
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That's a nice sentiment. I should be thanking you.
[However...
[He glances up at her.]
I'm not someone you should be praising, though - not by a long shot. General kindness - it isn't useless, but...you shouldn't let it fool you either.
I've done unspeakable things. [The grip on his cup tightens slightly.]
A lot of innocent people have died because of me. Whether or not I'm nice really isn't the issue.
[Hopeless? Armin isn't so sure he disagrees anymore.]
Our world is a cruel place. Eren isn't wrong about that.
We've both made it crueler.
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[At first, Aubrey simply nods. “Nice sentiment,” fair enough; she didn’t believe it when he said as much about her earlier, it’s fine.
[But the rest.]
[Aubrey watches Armin, more alert again, as he goes on. At least he’s not dismissing kindness wholesale. She doesn’t like that he’s confirming at least some of what Eren said, though, and it has her… angry? Irritated. Jesus, just take the damn compliment. Let something be easy, just once.]
Necessity of war. [It’s a much firmer statement this time.] I mean— I’m sure you have. Eren told me [why is she echoing him, suddenly?]—“To rise above monsters, we have to abandon your humanity.” You said that. I know that.
I’m just— I’m saying that can’t be it. [She’s sitting straight up now.] It can’t be cruel all the time. That’s not naive or foolish. [Who is this argument with, really?]
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[Eren's really managed to get under her skin...Not that that's particularly surprising.]
I did say that. I believe it too. Necessity of war, like you said - that's just it, really.
But...you're right.
[She's right. He takes a short breath - relief.]
It's a cruel world, but...not in every aspect.
We have friends and families; we share drinks and laughter, stories, dreams...
I really can't imagine having to go through life without at least that.
[Like Eren does...
[Armin manages a small - very small - smile.]
Thank you for the compliment, Aubrey.
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[What is with these guys and just… deflecting. Taking what she throws out and brushing it off. Unlike with Eren, Aubrey wasn’t trying to hurt Armin, but it’s still its own brand of… what, jarring? Armin doesn’t unsettle her at all.
[She stands by what she said in the first place, if anything.]
[As Armin talks about the world not being fully cruel; friends, families, laughter and stories and dreams… Aubrey visibly deflates. Exhaustion takes over again, dragging down her shoulders, and on his final note she picks up the mug again for another long, long drink. It’s a good excuse to swallow. Hides her face, while it lasts. She wonders if Armin has any pictures with his loved ones but the question catches in her throat.]
[Her mug’s empty and it doesn’t feel like it did a thing. Aubrey can’t bring herself to meet Armin’s smile, however slight, for more than a glimpse.] It’s, ah. No problem. [Would be nice to sink under the table, right about now.] Don’t mention it.
Hope you find him.
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[Then, without any further explanation, he quietly asks:]
Does that make it worse?
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[Aubrey dips her head. Bites her lip again.]
Make… what worse…?
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Does it make what Eren's told you worse?
[Armin isn't looking at Aubrey. His eyes are on his knuckles, lightly tapping against the table again.]
Operating under the opposite assumption would make it easier to stomach, right? Is that it?
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[Right. Right. Eren. Eren. God, just, focus on Eren. —Armin. Armin, talking about, ugh—]
[Only slightly lifting her head, she watches his tapping. She swallows, again.] I never thought your world was hopeless. [It’s not a lie, she doesn’t think. Aubrey mumbles like it is one.]
I… I won’t believe him. I c—[Her voice catches and she silences it, immediately.]
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[No. Armin can't even think it. Eren Jaeger is not evil. He can't be...]
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked.
And you shouldn't believe him.
[At this, Armin tries to meet her eyes, to level a stare at her - firm, reassuring.]
Our world is worth saving.
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[No, it’s fine, she wants to say. Which it’s not, but Aubrey looks up just in time to meet his stare and—
[“Our world is worth saving.” Without a doubt in his voice.]
[It’s not what Armin’s talking about at all—Aubrey’s barely touching the loss of one person, never mind countless in an act that everyone, even its perpetrator, can agree is horrific—but through that ever-warped lens…
[What Armin’s saying almost sounds like “Life gets better.” There’s still hope. There’s still tomorrow.
[There has to be.
It’s worth the fight.]
[Aubrey can’t meet Armin’s resolve, but she could hug him if not for the table. Instead she sits back up, and looks at him with something of a desperate admiration.]
It is. [There’s no doubt to that, now.] Thank you.
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[He's glad that she's eager not to believe Eren...]
There's no need to thank me. I've only told you the truth.
[After a moment, he smiles, inclines his head.]
I should be thanking you - all that insight. It's a comfort, somehow - even given the circumstances.
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[The truth. Yeah. …It’s disquieting to realize Aubrey’s still not sure she can believe it, but for now she shoves that down, down. Armin believes it, and she believes Armin. That’s enough.]
“Insight,” huh… [She tries to muster a small smile back, though it’s an awkward gesture. The last few have been significantly… messier, to say the least, and hardly genuine. This one is, at best, polite.]
I guess if there’s anything else you want to know, I can tell you… I figured you’d know most of it already. [And dropped the name on you like a bat to the face.] But it’s not like I’m going anywhere.
sorry for this Aubrey
[...
[Although, there is one thing...]
Has Eren said anything about...wanting to die?
NO APOLOGIES ONLY JUICE
[. . . Ah.]
[Her face falls immediately. Which is probably enough of an answer, in its own right, but…]
[“They’ll find their happiness once I’m gone.”]
Armin, he…
[For once in her godforesaken life, Aubrey will try to be tactful. Her expression is already giving her away, though; she imagines this is how it might have felt, something close, to have to say, time and time again—I’m sorry. She’s gone. It doesn’t matter what Aubrey thinks about Eren, now; Armin was, maybe still is, his friend.
[Does Armin have an inkling already? Will this gut him on the spot? There’s no delaying the inevitable.] He said… “There’s no coming back”… for him.... [Hasty addition, as if it it might soften the blow:] I’m not trying to be evasive, he hasn’t said anything outright…
But he doesn’t plan on surviving this.
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I understand.
Thank you.
[And that selfish bastard has tasked the people he loves with being the ones to take him out. He doesn't mean to say it out loud, but he does.]
Goddammit, Eren...
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[There’s no good way to take news like that.]
[There’s nothing good to say, either.]
[Aubrey is silent, letting Armin’s grief take center stage. She won’t push it. They barely know each other, anyway.
[But she reaches a hand tentatively forward. Not to take his or anything, just, lightly touching it. A silent you’re not alone.]
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[Would anyone want to come back from what Eren's done? Armin can't imagine that he would. So, it's a suicide mission; that shouldn't be surprising. What did Armin expect? That Eren would calmly stomp the world flat and then come back home like nothing had happened?
[His finger bumps idly against Aubrey's, the touch sending a little shockwave through him.
[He wants to be with him. He wants to take Eren's face in his hands. He wants to help him so badly...
[He feels tears on his cheeks, bringing his free hand up to brush away the warm, wet drops. When's the last time he cried like this...? When he speaks, he tries to keep his voice steady, but...it's coated with emotion all the same.]
We're going to figure something out.
We're going to bring him home.
[Or, they're going to kill him; an alternative too terrible to think about, and one Armin has been forced to face over and over again anyway. He can't speak it into truth. Not here. Not now.]
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[Spoken with the devastated grit of someone who just can’t consider an alternative—or at least not say it.
[Aubrey can get that.]
[It’s a sad sight, when he was so bold just moments before—but not at all pathetic. The opposite, really; that even now, Armin can speak true to the hopeful alternative.... For all they know, he’s alone out here; there is no “we,” might not be a home to go back to.
[And yet.]
[She stays quiet, unmoving save for tired, slow breaths. An idea comes to her in the silence—but for now, Armin can take however long as he needs.]
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[No Rumbling. They could really just talk, if only he were here...
[After a few moments, Armin takes a deep breath, then straightens in his seat again.]
I'm sorry about that. I'm alright.
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[He does not sound alright, to her; but she’ll let him have that, too. Aubrey’s pulled back herself by now, having mirrored Armin’s withdrawal, and she replies with a small nod.]
You don’t have to apologize. [He didn’t even step away—not that Aubrey would’ve blamed him if he did.]
[She sighs. And after another moment, hesitant:] You know… if there’s anything you want to say to him…
You don’t have to think of anything right now. [And it goes without saying this isn’t a promise Aubrey is sure she can keep. But it feels like the least she can do.] But if I meet him again… I’ll pass it on.
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[No. There's no telling whether or not she'll actually have the letter with her next time she sees him. Anything can happen in this place. Armin's best bet is to give her something short and simple - something she can remember well enough to pass along to Eren faithfully.
[He doesn't have to give it much more thought than that.]
Please, if you would...
Tell Eren that I love him, and that we'll talk soon. Tell him it's a promise.
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[God. He could not have chosen a more heartfelt message if he tried. Of course Armin wouldn’t want to give her anything personal, but…]
That’s… that means a lot. [She’d like to say it’ll mean a lot to Eren, specifically, but it’s… hard to tell. For now, one of her hands has trailed over her chest, and she closes it, palm inward, around the invisible note.] I’ll bring that to him best I can.
[The logistics of getting those words out, face-to-face with Eren Jaeger again, are for future-Aubrey to worry about. It’s for Armin’s sake, anyway. She can manage that much.] …Promise.
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