[Aubrey. Aubrey. Doesn’t Aubrey understand that Mari is being evasive for her? This interrogation, in any direction, brings Mari no joy. She would have been happy to trust Armin and Eren, and they could all band together in this terrifying empty limbo.]
[But Aubrey says nothing, only glaring at them both—and mostly, inexplicably, Mari.]
[ . . . ]
Armin. [There’s no attempt to keep it sweet.] We both have Aubrey’s best interests at heart, don’t we? I don’t understand this tension over Eren, when I’m truly not sure if—
Because Eren might be trapped. With a— whatever talked to you. [That dot, to Aubrey, remains unconnected.]
“Aubrey, I’m not lying to you—”
I never said you were! [Her voice wavers, furious and, strangely, somewhere close to heartbroken. Why? Why is she having this… conversation? argument? What is going on?!] Please, just… tell us what you saw. Everything.
[Aubrey, unhelpfully, is staring down at her hands again—at that ring, the finger of which is not lost on Mari. What, has she been brainwashed? She does look ready to cry again, which could go either way—
[—but it pulls at Mari, all the same. And even if Mari is correct, then escalating tensions with her… captors, or whoever Armin and Eren truly are, can only make the situation worse. It’s bad enough Armin knows Mari doesn’t trust him.]
[She’ll hear him out, she decides. Just to see. For context, information.
[But first…]
Aubrey… [Mari’s tone is, though not without an edge, mostly gentle.]
[It’s Eren. It has to be Eren. That’s what Armin was getting at. Just one eye?! Eren. Eren, hurting, caged.
[And all Aubrey can do is sit here, struggling to stay afloat, while the person who meant the most to her in the world—besides Eren, before Eren—talks down to her.]
[Meanwhile, Mari turns to Armin, sharp. But she says nothing. What, exactly, is the misunderstanding?]
[It seems that Aubrey understands now. Armin wishes she'd say more, that she'd assure her friend that Eren wouldn't hurt her, that this is a misunderstanding, that he isn't a monster, but...
[Well, Armin doesn't like to think of him that way. Right now, he can't afford to. He'll lie to himself as much as anyone about what Eren Is and Isn't.]
That figure you mention is our friend Eren. Whatever happened between you two, we can talk through it here and now.
[It won't be easy to explain the "rotting flesh", but...]
Eren isn't a bad man. [He's not sure he believes it anymore. Mari doesn't need to know the details.] And I don't believe that he said he wanted to hurt Aubrey. He's done everything in his power to protect her while we've been here.
[Armin is good with words. Too good. What he’s saying is the honest truth, from his perspective. He doesn’t know that Eren didn’t seem to care about her life until she almost lost it. He doesn’t know that Eren has hurt her, sometimes intentionally and just as often not; and Eren does want to protect her, now, all the same; and she’s not sure if Eren is a good person but fuck if she doesn’t want to protect him, too.]
[Whatever impression Mari got, of a monster in the dark… it can’t have been entirely wrong.
[Only Eren would say that Aubrey belongs to him.]
[She needs to explain this damn ring.
[Eren is in a prison, and he could very well be dying.]
Did he call for me? [Finally, Aubrey looks up, just as Mari was going to speak. It’s Mari who she looks at, and Mari who stares right back with abject concern.] Where was he? I need to find him.
“It doesn’t matter, okay? You don’t— You don’t know what you’re talking about. [And with that, Aubrey stands, tears flowing anew; she talks through them, not quite yelling but louder than she should be.] You’re dead. You haven’t been there— You didn’t even know me until Armin said my fucking name.”
[Mari reaches out. Aubrey backs away.]
“Just— Let Armin explain.” [She shoots him an apologetic look; it’s a lot to ask. But…] “I shouldn’t be here. I need to save Eren.”
Aubrey—
[She makes a run, passing closer to Armin and out of Mari’s reach, for the door.]
[Aubrey is… so very tired. Of feeling like she wants to implode, of actually exploding, of feeling anything at all. But Armin has a point, and she can’t shut down again.
[She doesn’t meet his eyes, but she does stop. Yeah… she needs more info, at least. If she rushes out and still can’t find Eren it’ll all have been such a waste....]
[Aubrey rubs her face, wiping her eyes in the process, and returns to her seat. There’s a dejected air about it, like a child trudging to time-out.]
S-sorry. [To both of them, really. She looks at her ring finger instead, other hand pinching at it lightly, as if she could roll or move the mark in any way.] I… guess I should explain this.
[Mari, internally, is still catching up with “you’re dead.” She objectively does not remember dying—but people can die in their sleep, none the wiser. It’s a horrible explanation for Aubrey’s growth, and that terrible relief upon seeing Mari, but an explanation nonetheless. Are they all…?]
Or— I don’t know, [Aubrey glances between Mari and Armin, looking for any excuse to delay the inevitable;] is that too much? [But Mari seems lost in thought; looking Aubrey’s way, but not seeing her. She’s probably explained all she can, or so Aubrey figures....]
Eren and I… made a promise to each other. Of sorts. [Although, really, Aubrey did. Didn’t she? All Eren said was that she’s stuck with him. The marriage… what, proposal? demand? It’s secondary to that, somehow.] As long as we’re here, we’re not leaving each other… we never can, for long. [God, she hopes that’ll prove true even now.]
He really… he does love me. [And hate her, maybe all the more for it. She knows she’s fudging the timeline.] And I want to help him—not just this time, but…
[She trails off. It’s impossible to summarize, isn’t it? Only Reiner would truly understand.
[Maybe the mark will speak for her.]
When we made that promise… this.
[Reluctantly, Aubrey pulls up her sleeve and lies her arm on the table, palm up. It shivers for a moment, cold and exposed. The gash runs even further, trailing up her inner arm, but she’s not ready to show the rest to anyone—maybe not even Eren.]
[Mari says nothing, but the sight of the… It’s not quite a wound, flat to the skin, but it looks like one. It’s horrifying. And despite what Armin said about Eren being a good person, and Aubrey confirming their loyalty… none of it sounds very good at all. If anything her worse impressions are only fueled.
[She frowns. But she’ll hold her tongue.]
[The vow, the word "love", the brand - all of it is new to Armin, and more than a bit baffling. It's the mark, really, that throws him. The scar looks deep, like the wound it came from must have been unimaginably painful. Surely Eren didn't actually scar her - no. It wouldn't look like that in such a short amount of time if he had, and the shape is too precise. So, the world they're in can physically alter them as well...?
[Up to this point, Armin hasn't been sure exactly what Eren and Aubrey would consider themselves; the mark wraps around her left ring finger. It seems obvious now - obvious and bizarre. Armin's never known Eren to be romantic with anyone else. Did he tell Aubrey that he loves her? Armin can't remember Eren ever using quite that word either. Armin knows what Eren's love is capable of, of course; he doesn't doubt that it's true. It's just...news to him.
[There is, to this, some small injury. It shouldn't matter, of course. Other things matter more. Armin and Eren haven't been "Armin and Eren" for a long time. But the memory aches all the same. Was he always just something to fall back on? For lack of better options, maybe?
[It isn't wise to start thinking like that now. It isn't Aubrey's fault that Eren broke everyone's heart. It's Armin's responsibility to be realistic. Nothing ever could have come from it anyway - not now that the world is ending.
[That Aubrey wants to help Eren - that isn't news to Armin at all. It's what everyone who loves Eren Jaeger wants, isn't it?]
Edited (PERMISSION TO SAIL, SIR - GRANTED ) 2023-10-18 16:21 (UTC)
[So they understand, Aubrey thinks—or at least, there’s no denying how deep this runs. This might still prove to be a mistake, especially when she’s not sure what Mari thinks of Eren now, but… well, it’s a start. It’s honest. That’s all Aubrey can be, really.
[Then, she will continue. But… god, where to start.
[Maybe at the beginning.]
Mari, I know this can’t sound good to you— Hell, Armin, I don’t think you know either, but…
[She swallows. Steel yourself, Aubrey.]
When I got here… for a long time, Eren was all I had. We just kept… meeting each other, again and again, and— I didn’t even like him at first, and there’s no way he did, either. But…
[She’s not making this sound any better, is she? She’s well over a foot in the grave now, though.]
I almost died. He saved my life. And later, I… I saved his, too. And I’ve seen sides of him that— Armin knows, he came alive again. He’s human, and he’s always been human.
I…
[How does steeling even work, anyway? Aubrey’s not sure she’s ever managed it.]
I fell in love with him.
[Her expression is twisted—not unlike her confession by the lake, not unlike her vow to Reiner. It’s that same horrible, wonderful emotion, churning and gnawing and burning; she loves Eren. She can’t not love Eren. It hurts, and she could tell and has told herself she wants nothing more. Just that, just him, forever.]
[But Armin is here. Mari is here now, too. Aubrey’s not kidding herself anymore.
[That’s just the problem.]
[Mari moves to speak; Aubrey forces herself to continue.]
I fell in love with Eren Jaeger, and I tried to ignore everything I ever hated about him. And—I can’t do that. And when the world reminded me, I… I broke his heart.
[Aubrey’s voice breaks, too. Her outstretched fist closes, jagged, as she speaks.] That’s when I swore I’d help him… always. Because I will. And I want him to be happy again, and I don’t want him to cage himself anymore, I want him to live, and I just…
[She’s so, so tired.]
I care about him so much. I think it’s killing us.
But I love him.
I really, truly do.
[The words only last the length of a heartbeat. "But I love him. I truly do." The scar on Eren's chest burns, the burn spreading, his eyes going wide. It's Aubrey - he's positive. But she still isn't here. It's cruel.
[Curling in tighter on himself, he tugs his hair and screams into his knees. He takes a deep breath. He screams again - over and over until his throat is raw and burning.
[Where are you? Who is she telling other than him? Why isn't she here?]
[Armin's heart aches. It aches for Aubrey, and for Eren, and for himself, and even for Mari; because Eren Jaeger is easy to love, and impossible to love, and impossible not to love, and impossible to lose, and an inevitable loss. And he wishes it all weren't true. And he wishes they were back home, under the tree in Shiganshina, reading his grandfather's book, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming.]
[Aubrey, for all Mari and Armin can see, stares listlessly at her hand.]
[Mari… cannot begin to pretend she understands this. Not Armin, not Eren, not this world, not being dead. Maybe not even Aubrey, anymore.
[Yet Mari can understand pain. She can understand longing, and loneliness, and clinging to someone as if, in that moment, they’re the only person in the world.
[The relationship she’s thinking of is… different. Quite, quite different. But Mari’s not going to abandon Aubrey. No matter what.]
[She reaches out.] Aubr—
[Aubrey’s hand is cold. Her arm is cold. The fist unclenches, clenches, stiff.]
Aubrey?
[When Aubrey repeats herself, Armin's brow pinches with concern. What she mentioned about he and Bertholdt - well, really, there wasn't much "he" involved, was there?]
Aubrey? Are you alright...?
[It may seem rude, but he snaps his fingers only inches away from her face.]
[Still—if only while Aubrey is “somewhere else,” Mari will cooperate with Armin. What choice does she have? (Sickeningly, it occurs to her that scenarios just like this could very well be how Aubrey and Eren “bonded.”)
[She returns to neutrality, but keeps her hand in “Aubrey’s.”] Then you don’t know how to bring her back. [Flirting with being a question.]
A correction. [His tone is patient, though there is an anxious edge.] I'm sure that Aubrey is trying to get to Eren, but...as of right now, there's no way to tell whether or not she's been successful.
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[Why is Mari lying?]
What else did the figure say to you?
If you think our friend might be there, then we need to know everything.
[At least Armin can lend real concern to his words. Whether Eren is the beast or another prisoner, they need to know.]
I think you might be right, Mari. I think Eren really might be trapped.
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[Aubrey. Aubrey. Doesn’t Aubrey understand that Mari is being evasive for her? This interrogation, in any direction, brings Mari no joy. She would have been happy to trust Armin and Eren, and they could all band together in this terrifying empty limbo.]
[But Aubrey says nothing, only glaring at them both—and mostly, inexplicably, Mari.]
[ . . . ]
Armin. [There’s no attempt to keep it sweet.] We both have Aubrey’s best interests at heart, don’t we? I don’t understand this tension over Eren, when I’m truly not sure if—
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Because Eren might be trapped. With a— whatever talked to you. [That dot, to Aubrey, remains unconnected.]
“Aubrey, I’m not lying to you—”
I never said you were! [Her voice wavers, furious and, strangely, somewhere close to heartbroken. Why? Why is she having this… conversation? argument? What is going on?!] Please, just… tell us what you saw. Everything.
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[Aubrey is going to get them both killed or worse.]
[Mari can’t lie to her.]
[She takes in a steady breath.]
It was some sort of prison.
All I saw was the lower half of a man, surrounded by rotting flesh, behind bars. There was one green eye in the darkness.
He said you belonged to him, Aubrey.
Does that make sense?
I lied I’m up
[Armin’s tone is very careful now.]
Mari…
I think there’s been…a misunderstanding.
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[Has there ever been.]
[Aubrey, unhelpfully, is staring down at her hands again—at that ring, the finger of which is not lost on Mari. What, has she been brainwashed? She does look ready to cry again, which could go either way—
[—but it pulls at Mari, all the same. And even if Mari is correct, then escalating tensions with her… captors, or whoever Armin and Eren truly are, can only make the situation worse. It’s bad enough Armin knows Mari doesn’t trust him.]
[She’ll hear him out, she decides. Just to see. For context, information.
[But first…]
Aubrey… [Mari’s tone is, though not without an edge, mostly gentle.]
Does what that figure told me make sense to you?
[There’s a pronounced delay.]
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[Aubrey nods, miserable.]
[It’s Eren. It has to be Eren. That’s what Armin was getting at. Just one eye?! Eren. Eren, hurting, caged.
[And all Aubrey can do is sit here, struggling to stay afloat, while the person who meant the most to her in the world—besides Eren, before Eren—talks down to her.]
[Meanwhile, Mari turns to Armin, sharp. But she says nothing. What, exactly, is the misunderstanding?]
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[Well, Armin doesn't like to think of him that way. Right now, he can't afford to. He'll lie to himself as much as anyone about what Eren Is and Isn't.]
That figure you mention is our friend Eren. Whatever happened between you two, we can talk through it here and now.
[It won't be easy to explain the "rotting flesh", but...]
Eren isn't a bad man. [He's not sure he believes it anymore. Mari doesn't need to know the details.] And I don't believe that he said he wanted to hurt Aubrey. He's done everything in his power to protect her while we've been here.
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[Armin is good with words. Too good. What he’s saying is the honest truth, from his perspective. He doesn’t know that Eren didn’t seem to care about her life until she almost lost it. He doesn’t know that Eren has hurt her, sometimes intentionally and just as often not; and Eren does want to protect her, now, all the same; and she’s not sure if Eren is a good person but fuck if she doesn’t want to protect him, too.]
[Whatever impression Mari got, of a monster in the dark… it can’t have been entirely wrong.
[Only Eren would say that Aubrey belongs to him.]
[She needs to explain this damn ring.
[Eren is in a prison, and he could very well be dying.]
Did he call for me? [Finally, Aubrey looks up, just as Mari was going to speak. It’s Mari who she looks at, and Mari who stares right back with abject concern.] Where was he? I need to find him.
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Aubrey, don’t be ridi—
“It doesn’t matter, okay? You don’t— You don’t know what you’re talking about. [And with that, Aubrey stands, tears flowing anew; she talks through them, not quite yelling but louder than she should be.] You’re dead. You haven’t been there— You didn’t even know me until Armin said my fucking name.”
[Mari reaches out. Aubrey backs away.]
“Just— Let Armin explain.” [She shoots him an apologetic look; it’s a lot to ask. But…] “I shouldn’t be here. I need to save Eren.”
Aubrey—
[She makes a run, passing closer to Armin and out of Mari’s reach, for the door.]
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[He holds out his arm - not enough to touch her, but hopefully enough to give her pause. He tries to meet her eyes.
[What if this is the last time she ever gets to see her friend alive again...?]
We shouldn't run into this head first. I want to find Eren too - we will. But we need to stop and think first.
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[Aubrey is… so very tired. Of feeling like she wants to implode, of actually exploding, of feeling anything at all. But Armin has a point, and she can’t shut down again.
[She doesn’t meet his eyes, but she does stop. Yeah… she needs more info, at least. If she rushes out and still can’t find Eren it’ll all have been such a waste....]
[Aubrey rubs her face, wiping her eyes in the process, and returns to her seat. There’s a dejected air about it, like a child trudging to time-out.]
S-sorry. [To both of them, really. She looks at her ring finger instead, other hand pinching at it lightly, as if she could roll or move the mark in any way.] I… guess I should explain this.
[Mari, internally, is still catching up with “you’re dead.” She objectively does not remember dying—but people can die in their sleep, none the wiser. It’s a horrible explanation for Aubrey’s growth, and that terrible relief upon seeing Mari, but an explanation nonetheless. Are they all…?]
Or— I don’t know, [Aubrey glances between Mari and Armin, looking for any excuse to delay the inevitable;] is that too much? [But Mari seems lost in thought; looking Aubrey’s way, but not seeing her. She’s probably explained all she can, or so Aubrey figures....]
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[…Fine.
[She’ll bite the bullet.]
Eren and I… made a promise to each other. Of sorts. [Although, really, Aubrey did. Didn’t she? All Eren said was that she’s stuck with him. The marriage… what, proposal? demand? It’s secondary to that, somehow.] As long as we’re here, we’re not leaving each other… we never can, for long. [God, she hopes that’ll prove true even now.]
He really… he does love me. [And hate her, maybe all the more for it. She knows she’s fudging the timeline.] And I want to help him—not just this time, but…
[She trails off. It’s impossible to summarize, isn’t it? Only Reiner would truly understand.
[Maybe the mark will speak for her.]
When we made that promise… this.
[Reluctantly, Aubrey pulls up her sleeve and lies her arm on the table, palm up. It shivers for a moment, cold and exposed. The gash runs even further, trailing up her inner arm, but she’s not ready to show the rest to anyone—maybe not even Eren.]
[Mari says nothing, but the sight of the… It’s not quite a wound, flat to the skin, but it looks like one. It’s horrifying. And despite what Armin said about Eren being a good person, and Aubrey confirming their loyalty… none of it sounds very good at all. If anything her worse impressions are only fueled.
[She frowns. But she’ll hold her tongue.]
introspection only tag for u
[Up to this point, Armin hasn't been sure exactly what Eren and Aubrey would consider themselves; the mark wraps around her left ring finger. It seems obvious now - obvious and bizarre. Armin's never known Eren to be romantic with anyone else. Did he tell Aubrey that he loves her? Armin can't remember Eren ever using quite that word either. Armin knows what Eren's love is capable of, of course; he doesn't doubt that it's true. It's just...news to him.
[There is, to this, some small injury. It shouldn't matter, of course. Other things matter more. Armin and Eren haven't been "Armin and Eren" for a long time. But the memory aches all the same. Was he always just something to fall back on? For lack of better options, maybe?
[It isn't wise to start thinking like that now. It isn't Aubrey's fault that Eren broke everyone's heart. It's Armin's responsibility to be realistic. Nothing ever could have come from it anyway - not now that the world is ending.
[That Aubrey wants to help Eren - that isn't news to Armin at all. It's what everyone who loves Eren Jaeger wants, isn't it?]
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[So they understand, Aubrey thinks—or at least, there’s no denying how deep this runs. This might still prove to be a mistake, especially when she’s not sure what Mari thinks of Eren now, but… well, it’s a start. It’s honest. That’s all Aubrey can be, really.
[Then, she will continue. But… god, where to start.
[Maybe at the beginning.]
Mari, I know this can’t sound good to you— Hell, Armin, I don’t think you know either, but…
[She swallows. Steel yourself, Aubrey.]
When I got here… for a long time, Eren was all I had. We just kept… meeting each other, again and again, and— I didn’t even like him at first, and there’s no way he did, either. But…
[She’s not making this sound any better, is she? She’s well over a foot in the grave now, though.]
I almost died. He saved my life. And later, I… I saved his, too. And I’ve seen sides of him that— Armin knows, he came alive again. He’s human, and he’s always been human.
I…
[How does steeling even work, anyway? Aubrey’s not sure she’s ever managed it.]
I fell in love with him.
[Her expression is twisted—not unlike her confession by the lake, not unlike her vow to Reiner. It’s that same horrible, wonderful emotion, churning and gnawing and burning; she loves Eren. She can’t not love Eren. It hurts, and she could tell and has told herself she wants nothing more. Just that, just him, forever.]
[But Armin is here. Mari is here now, too. Aubrey’s not kidding herself anymore.
[That’s just the problem.]
[Mari moves to speak; Aubrey forces herself to continue.]
I fell in love with Eren Jaeger, and I tried to ignore everything I ever hated about him. And—I can’t do that. And when the world reminded me, I… I broke his heart.
[Aubrey’s voice breaks, too. Her outstretched fist closes, jagged, as she speaks.] That’s when I swore I’d help him… always. Because I will. And I want him to be happy again, and I don’t want him to cage himself anymore, I want him to live, and I just…
[She’s so, so tired.]
I care about him so much. I think it’s killing us.
But I love him.
I really, truly do.
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[Curling in tighter on himself, he tugs his hair and screams into his knees. He takes a deep breath. He screams again - over and over until his throat is raw and burning.
[Where are you? Who is she telling other than him? Why isn't she here?]
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He's worth saving. [His voice is very quiet.]
He is.
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[Eren screams.]
[It’s all she can hear. His voice, his pain, raw and ragged and deafening; again, and again, and again. Aubrey stands—
[—and the room goes black.]
Eren!
[It echoes into nothing. He won’t hear it.]
[Aubrey is alone.]
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“He’s worth saving. He is.”
[Aubrey, for all Mari and Armin can see, stares listlessly at her hand.]
[Mari… cannot begin to pretend she understands this. Not Armin, not Eren, not this world, not being dead. Maybe not even Aubrey, anymore.
[Yet Mari can understand pain. She can understand longing, and loneliness, and clinging to someone as if, in that moment, they’re the only person in the world.
[The relationship she’s thinking of is… different. Quite, quite different. But Mari’s not going to abandon Aubrey. No matter what.]
[She reaches out.] Aubr—
[Aubrey’s hand is cold. Her arm is cold. The fist unclenches, clenches, stiff.]
Aubrey?
“I love him.
“I really, truly do.”
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Aubrey? Are you alright...?
[It may seem rude, but he snaps his fingers only inches away from her face.]
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[“Aubrey”’s eyes are glassy. She doesn’t even flinch.]
[The snap is Armin’s saving grace, frankly; Mari would have blamed him otherwise. But his concern is too immediate to be fake. (Isn’t it?)]
[Mari grips Aubrey’s hand; no response to that, either. (The slash across the palm, Mari notices, is raised like a scab.)]
Armin? [She wills her voice even.] What happened to her?
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This world toys with us. We're still trying to figure out why. I think...Aubrey's gone somewhere else.
[He looks at Mari, halfway between concerned and apologetic.]
This is likely an illusion. Like I told you, this world can separate us if it wants. I think she's trying to get to Eren.
1/1 until further notice
You think so? [An uncharacteristic snap.
[Still—if only while Aubrey is “somewhere else,” Mari will cooperate with Armin. What choice does she have? (Sickeningly, it occurs to her that scenarios just like this could very well be how Aubrey and Eren “bonded.”)
[She returns to neutrality, but keeps her hand in “Aubrey’s.”] Then you don’t know how to bring her back. [Flirting with being a question.]
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And, no. I don't know how to bring her back.
But there are things we can try.
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