[So they understand, Aubrey thinks—or at least, there’s no denying how deep this runs. This might still prove to be a mistake, especially when she’s not sure what Mari thinks of Eren now, but… well, it’s a start. It’s honest. That’s all Aubrey can be, really.
[Then, she will continue. But… god, where to start.
[Maybe at the beginning.]
Mari, I know this can’t sound good to you— Hell, Armin, I don’t think you know either, but…
[She swallows. Steel yourself, Aubrey.]
When I got here… for a long time, Eren was all I had. We just kept… meeting each other, again and again, and— I didn’t even like him at first, and there’s no way he did, either. But…
[She’s not making this sound any better, is she? She’s well over a foot in the grave now, though.]
I almost died. He saved my life. And later, I… I saved his, too. And I’ve seen sides of him that— Armin knows, he came alive again. He’s human, and he’s always been human.
I…
[How does steeling even work, anyway? Aubrey’s not sure she’s ever managed it.]
I fell in love with him.
[Her expression is twisted—not unlike her confession by the lake, not unlike her vow to Reiner. It’s that same horrible, wonderful emotion, churning and gnawing and burning; she loves Eren. She can’t not love Eren. It hurts, and she could tell and has told herself she wants nothing more. Just that, just him, forever.]
[But Armin is here. Mari is here now, too. Aubrey’s not kidding herself anymore.
[That’s just the problem.]
[Mari moves to speak; Aubrey forces herself to continue.]
I fell in love with Eren Jaeger, and I tried to ignore everything I ever hated about him. And—I can’t do that. And when the world reminded me, I… I broke his heart.
[Aubrey’s voice breaks, too. Her outstretched fist closes, jagged, as she speaks.] That’s when I swore I’d help him… always. Because I will. And I want him to be happy again, and I don’t want him to cage himself anymore, I want him to live, and I just…
[She’s so, so tired.]
I care about him so much. I think it’s killing us.
But I love him.
I really, truly do.
[The words only last the length of a heartbeat. "But I love him. I truly do." The scar on Eren's chest burns, the burn spreading, his eyes going wide. It's Aubrey - he's positive. But she still isn't here. It's cruel.
[Curling in tighter on himself, he tugs his hair and screams into his knees. He takes a deep breath. He screams again - over and over until his throat is raw and burning.
[Where are you? Who is she telling other than him? Why isn't she here?]
[Armin's heart aches. It aches for Aubrey, and for Eren, and for himself, and even for Mari; because Eren Jaeger is easy to love, and impossible to love, and impossible not to love, and impossible to lose, and an inevitable loss. And he wishes it all weren't true. And he wishes they were back home, under the tree in Shiganshina, reading his grandfather's book, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming.]
[Aubrey, for all Mari and Armin can see, stares listlessly at her hand.]
[Mari… cannot begin to pretend she understands this. Not Armin, not Eren, not this world, not being dead. Maybe not even Aubrey, anymore.
[Yet Mari can understand pain. She can understand longing, and loneliness, and clinging to someone as if, in that moment, they’re the only person in the world.
[The relationship she’s thinking of is… different. Quite, quite different. But Mari’s not going to abandon Aubrey. No matter what.]
[She reaches out.] Aubr—
[Aubrey’s hand is cold. Her arm is cold. The fist unclenches, clenches, stiff.]
Aubrey?
[When Aubrey repeats herself, Armin's brow pinches with concern. What she mentioned about he and Bertholdt - well, really, there wasn't much "he" involved, was there?]
Aubrey? Are you alright...?
[It may seem rude, but he snaps his fingers only inches away from her face.]
[Still—if only while Aubrey is “somewhere else,” Mari will cooperate with Armin. What choice does she have? (Sickeningly, it occurs to her that scenarios just like this could very well be how Aubrey and Eren “bonded.”)
[She returns to neutrality, but keeps her hand in “Aubrey’s.”] Then you don’t know how to bring her back. [Flirting with being a question.]
A correction. [His tone is patient, though there is an anxious edge.] I'm sure that Aubrey is trying to get to Eren, but...as of right now, there's no way to tell whether or not she's been successful.
[Armin meets Mari's eyes. His are honest - no more games. They're on the same side for now.]
This world can be manipulated by our intentions. It may take a little practice at first. [Hell, he hasn't even had time to practice since the rainclouds...]
If we can visualize where we need to go, we might be able to reach Aubrey and Eren. A lot of that will depend on you, Mari.
[There’s no end to the compounding absurdity of this place, is there?]
[Allies they shall be. Albeit…]
Armin, there’s one more thing I should share with you first.
[Without further prelude:] If you’ll pardon my bluntness, I thought Eren was a predator. The Aubrey I knew was twelve, and he spoke of her very intently.
[Mari’s attention doesn’t leave Armin, but should either of them look at the Aubrey-illusion again, she will indeed be 12 years young; black hair topped with a little pink bow, skin unmarked. Faceless, too.]
Eren was trapped when I found him. I closed the gap.
[As Mari speaks, Armin's eyes do drift temporarily to Aubrey, lingering a moment when he realizes that the illusion has shifted. She looks just like one of the shadow puppets...
[At Mari's confession, he feels his stomach twist. Even so:]
I understand.
[It makes perfect sense, really. Eren can't be anything other than intense, and if she really thought Aubrey was a child - and, considering now that they are romantic - yes, it makes sense.
[Still, the image of his friend, ever reaching toward freedom, being slowly closed in on...Armin has to fight off a shudder.]
I can't say he'll be as gracious, but...You did what you felt you needed to. It's a misunderstanding we can work through.
[There's a pause, an impulse to defend Eren once again. But Armin doesn't actually believe in "good" or "bad" people, and he definitely doesn't believe that Eren fits either bill.
[It takes Eren a moment to process what he's hearing; voices, but quiet, muffled by his arms covering his ears, his head still buried in his knees. Cautiously, he raises his head. He can't see a thing, but...
[Mari speaks again, and he recognizes the voice instantly.]
Bitch.
[His voice croaks, left hoarse and raw by the screaming. God. How long was he screaming? He launches himself onto his feet, fists yanking at the bars.]
Where is she? Don't fuck with me again. I'll tear your fucking throat--
[Armin's voice is both firm, gentle, and drenched in relief. Reaching out blindly, he finds Eren's hands, wrapped around the bars. He lays his own over them, thumbs stroking gently at whatever flesh he finds.]
It's alright. There's been a misunderstanding. Aubrey's okay.
[Everything Eren and Armin said lines up. It must be true, then. (…Give or take some… embellishments… from Eren.) And while Mari doesn’t know if that makes them good or safe people, exactly…]
[She plays, softly, a major chord. Maybe there was no trick to this, either; the bars in Eren’s hands drop to the floor, releasing him.]
[Eren sounds inhuman - a combination of guttural sounds he can't control, and the rawness of his throat, trying to make words that only come out as rasps. He feels Armin's arms tighten around him. He could easily break out of them if he really wanted to. Part of him doesn't, apparently.
[Finally, as he stills, save for a heaving chest, he manages to spit out a few words.]
[Aubrey and perhaps Armin might be certain of Eren’s humanity; Mari, less so. But the gambit worked (if such an impulsive, oddly sympathetic move could be considered strategic), at least in proving Armin’s intentions. From the sounds of it, he may as well be restraining a slobbering dog, not a friend.]
[Mari allows the silence, as Eren catches his breath. She owes him an apology. She leashes that, too, for now.]
We were just with her. [There’s no particular emotion in her voice.] The world replaced her with an illusion.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
1/1 wow novel
[So they understand, Aubrey thinks—or at least, there’s no denying how deep this runs. This might still prove to be a mistake, especially when she’s not sure what Mari thinks of Eren now, but… well, it’s a start. It’s honest. That’s all Aubrey can be, really.
[Then, she will continue. But… god, where to start.
[Maybe at the beginning.]
Mari, I know this can’t sound good to you— Hell, Armin, I don’t think you know either, but…
[She swallows. Steel yourself, Aubrey.]
When I got here… for a long time, Eren was all I had. We just kept… meeting each other, again and again, and— I didn’t even like him at first, and there’s no way he did, either. But…
[She’s not making this sound any better, is she? She’s well over a foot in the grave now, though.]
I almost died. He saved my life. And later, I… I saved his, too. And I’ve seen sides of him that— Armin knows, he came alive again. He’s human, and he’s always been human.
I…
[How does steeling even work, anyway? Aubrey’s not sure she’s ever managed it.]
I fell in love with him.
[Her expression is twisted—not unlike her confession by the lake, not unlike her vow to Reiner. It’s that same horrible, wonderful emotion, churning and gnawing and burning; she loves Eren. She can’t not love Eren. It hurts, and she could tell and has told herself she wants nothing more. Just that, just him, forever.]
[But Armin is here. Mari is here now, too. Aubrey’s not kidding herself anymore.
[That’s just the problem.]
[Mari moves to speak; Aubrey forces herself to continue.]
I fell in love with Eren Jaeger, and I tried to ignore everything I ever hated about him. And—I can’t do that. And when the world reminded me, I… I broke his heart.
[Aubrey’s voice breaks, too. Her outstretched fist closes, jagged, as she speaks.] That’s when I swore I’d help him… always. Because I will. And I want him to be happy again, and I don’t want him to cage himself anymore, I want him to live, and I just…
[She’s so, so tired.]
I care about him so much. I think it’s killing us.
But I love him.
I really, truly do.
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[Curling in tighter on himself, he tugs his hair and screams into his knees. He takes a deep breath. He screams again - over and over until his throat is raw and burning.
[Where are you? Who is she telling other than him? Why isn't she here?]
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He's worth saving. [His voice is very quiet.]
He is.
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[Eren screams.]
[It’s all she can hear. His voice, his pain, raw and ragged and deafening; again, and again, and again. Aubrey stands—
[—and the room goes black.]
Eren!
[It echoes into nothing. He won’t hear it.]
[Aubrey is alone.]
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“He’s worth saving. He is.”
[Aubrey, for all Mari and Armin can see, stares listlessly at her hand.]
[Mari… cannot begin to pretend she understands this. Not Armin, not Eren, not this world, not being dead. Maybe not even Aubrey, anymore.
[Yet Mari can understand pain. She can understand longing, and loneliness, and clinging to someone as if, in that moment, they’re the only person in the world.
[The relationship she’s thinking of is… different. Quite, quite different. But Mari’s not going to abandon Aubrey. No matter what.]
[She reaches out.] Aubr—
[Aubrey’s hand is cold. Her arm is cold. The fist unclenches, clenches, stiff.]
Aubrey?
“I love him.
“I really, truly do.”
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Aubrey? Are you alright...?
[It may seem rude, but he snaps his fingers only inches away from her face.]
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[“Aubrey”’s eyes are glassy. She doesn’t even flinch.]
[The snap is Armin’s saving grace, frankly; Mari would have blamed him otherwise. But his concern is too immediate to be fake. (Isn’t it?)]
[Mari grips Aubrey’s hand; no response to that, either. (The slash across the palm, Mari notices, is raised like a scab.)]
Armin? [She wills her voice even.] What happened to her?
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This world toys with us. We're still trying to figure out why. I think...Aubrey's gone somewhere else.
[He looks at Mari, halfway between concerned and apologetic.]
This is likely an illusion. Like I told you, this world can separate us if it wants. I think she's trying to get to Eren.
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You think so? [An uncharacteristic snap.
[Still—if only while Aubrey is “somewhere else,” Mari will cooperate with Armin. What choice does she have? (Sickeningly, it occurs to her that scenarios just like this could very well be how Aubrey and Eren “bonded.”)
[She returns to neutrality, but keeps her hand in “Aubrey’s.”] Then you don’t know how to bring her back. [Flirting with being a question.]
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And, no. I don't know how to bring her back.
But there are things we can try.
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[Mari takes a slow, steadying breath. Yet again she reminds herself to be patient. She’s showed far too many of her cards as-is.]
[Reluctantly, she lets go of Aubrey’s hand. There’s no resistance; just a repetitive mumble, if even that.]
[Mari tries to look Armin in the eyes. For once, she’s searching.]
All right. What do we do?
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This world can be manipulated by our intentions. It may take a little practice at first. [Hell, he hasn't even had time to practice since the rainclouds...]
If we can visualize where we need to go, we might be able to reach Aubrey and Eren. A lot of that will depend on you, Mari.
no subject
[There’s no end to the compounding absurdity of this place, is there?]
[Allies they shall be. Albeit…]
Armin, there’s one more thing I should share with you first.
[Without further prelude:] If you’ll pardon my bluntness, I thought Eren was a predator. The Aubrey I knew was twelve, and he spoke of her very intently.
[Mari’s attention doesn’t leave Armin, but should either of them look at the Aubrey-illusion again, she will indeed be 12 years young; black hair topped with a little pink bow, skin unmarked. Faceless, too.]
Eren was trapped when I found him. I closed the gap.
no subject
[At Mari's confession, he feels his stomach twist. Even so:]
I understand.
[It makes perfect sense, really. Eren can't be anything other than intense, and if she really thought Aubrey was a child - and, considering now that they are romantic - yes, it makes sense.
[Still, the image of his friend, ever reaching toward freedom, being slowly closed in on...Armin has to fight off a shudder.]
I can't say he'll be as gracious, but...You did what you felt you needed to. It's a misunderstanding we can work through.
[There's a pause, an impulse to defend Eren once again. But Armin doesn't actually believe in "good" or "bad" people, and he definitely doesn't believe that Eren fits either bill.
[God, he feels sick.]
Eren deserves his freedom. We shouldn't delay.
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[Mari catches the illusion, too, when Armin does. She doesn’t stay there. What kind of cruel world…?]
I know he won’t be gracious. [A grim statement, but resolved nonetheless. The least Mari can do now is free him—if only for Aubrey’s sake.]
[Without further delay, then.]
It was dark.
[And just like that, the lights die again.]
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What else can you remember?
[Armin thinks of the way titan flesh looks as it rapidly decays.]
There was steam. Probably a lot of it. Is that right?
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[Her brother’s imagination is leagues stronger. Maybe the world is particularly kind to ghosts.]
From the flesh. [And it was difficult to tell in the dark, but…] It may have come from him.]
[But surely most of it must have disappeared by now. And yet, undeterred by sealed bars—a thin trail, floating up from the abyss.]
[They must be right where Mari stood. Eren isn’t far, then.]
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[Mari speaks again, and he recognizes the voice instantly.]
Bitch.
[His voice croaks, left hoarse and raw by the screaming. God. How long was he screaming? He launches himself onto his feet, fists yanking at the bars.]
Where is she? Don't fuck with me again. I'll tear your fucking throat--
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[Armin's voice is both firm, gentle, and drenched in relief. Reaching out blindly, he finds Eren's hands, wrapped around the bars. He lays his own over them, thumbs stroking gently at whatever flesh he finds.]
It's alright. There's been a misunderstanding. Aubrey's okay.
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[Eren can't hold back the relief in his own voice. He sounds young again, weak. Armin...]
Where is she?
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It's okay. We'll find her.
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[So it is.]
[Everything Eren and Armin said lines up. It must be true, then. (…Give or take some… embellishments… from Eren.) And while Mari doesn’t know if that makes them good or safe people, exactly…]
[She plays, softly, a major chord. Maybe there was no trick to this, either; the bars in Eren’s hands drop to the floor, releasing him.]
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Stop. I said there was a misunderstanding-- Eren, stop. This is Aubrey's friend, and she's going to help us. She didn't know.
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[Finally, as he stills, save for a heaving chest, he manages to spit out a few words.]
What happened to her?
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[Aubrey and perhaps Armin might be certain of Eren’s humanity; Mari, less so. But the gambit worked (if such an impulsive, oddly sympathetic move could be considered strategic), at least in proving Armin’s intentions. From the sounds of it, he may as well be restraining a slobbering dog, not a friend.]
[Mari allows the silence, as Eren catches his breath. She owes him an apology. She leashes that, too, for now.]
We were just with her. [There’s no particular emotion in her voice.] The world replaced her with an illusion.
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