Oh, Aubrey...
[He feels more human than he ever has, and all the more monstrous for it. When he pulls away, it's only so he can bow with his hands flat on the sand, his head falt on his hands. He's still sobbing.]
God, Aubrey. P-please. W-we had to. We had no choice, we-- Oh God, please forgive me. God, please forgive me.
[Armin has cried in front of her before; it’s always been this restrained, quiet thing. The difference now would be almost startling if Aubrey didn’t know exactly how it felt. She holds him. His sobs make her own eyes water, but she keeps steady for him.]
[Still not easy to hear her name like that. Aubrey closes her eyes and, breathing in the moment, softly, rocks him. The lullaby of a wave.]
[It feels like forever and yet no time at all, when Armin pulls away; Aubrey almost doesn’t want to let him. And he…
[…begs…?]
Armin....
[She gets the feeling he’s not really talking to her. Still…]
Armin, he… [Aubrey reaches for Armin’s face, his chin, just to run her fingers along his jawline so he might lift his head. No need to get sand in his eyes....]
You gave him peace, you know. You did.
bet u thought I ran out of crying icons we live in s4 bitchie
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rollcharisma
2023-11-07 04:56 am (UTC)(link)
[They had no choice. Eren ensured that himself. But Armin isn't angry anymore. He remembers everything his friend told him. He should hate him, maybe, even so; of course, he never could.
[But Aubrey isn't from their world. Aubrey loves Eren. Aubrey's his wife. Armin remembers how it felt to see Mikasa carrying Eren's head toward him. He remembers the sound of his own screams. Cruelly, his mind replays the scene as if Aubrey were there. It's all too terrible to imagine.
[There is no God, but Armin is grateful to whatever force allowed Aubrey to live somewhere outside of the world of Marleyians and Eldians and Paradis and Titans.
[They gave him peace. He wants to believe it. If there is a Hell, Eren should be there; Armin knows that too.
[God, he hopes this is Hell. He wants so badly for this to be the only Hell they'll ever know.]
I want him. [His voice is so profoundly broken, words squeaking and breaking as if he were only ten years old again.] I want to see him, I want...I-I love him so...s-so much, Aubrey. I do. I do.
[If there was any way in Hell to call for people here, to pull them to your side easily as a raincloud… Aubrey’s tried a thousand times, and this will be the thousand-and-first. The world can do that for Armin, can’t it…?]
[Nothing but waves.]
[Which is good (useless) as any reality, isn’t it? Of course nothing will make this better; it will never go away. Even if—no, when, it has to be a when—they meet again… Eren’s still cold.
[Still.... Always still.]
Do you… want me to show you? He was resting. [And only that, if she can help it. His peace. Not his grave; not the chill where his pulse should be.] I know it’s not enough, but…
[She trails off.
[It’s not enough.]
[Armin takes a deep breath.]
Please...Yes, please...
[Anything to see him again. Anything to see anything other than a grave. Even if he can't touch him, or talk to him, or hold him, he wants to see him. He wants to see the face of his best friend again.]
[Just this once, may the world be merciful.]
[Aubrey cups her hands around Armin’s face—a gesture usually reserved for Eren, but that doesn’t matter right now. She closes her eyes again, closes her eyes, and focuses. Just that image. Just that image. Just Eren, only Eren, her Detriment and her purpose and her lifeblood.
[Sunlight, dappled through the tree, dancing on his skin. Hands folded over three flowers, gentle. And his face; still, peaceful. At rest, at last.
[Armin will see this, crisp as a polaroid… and receive a drop of emotion, despite Aubrey’s best efforts. It’s just heartbreak, really. Surely no stranger; Arrmin’s moment of loss was far more visceral. And they both had a feeling it was possible, it was likely, it was coming.]
[She laced her fingers through— Aubrey opens her eyes before the image can complete, that cold mortis. Armin doesn’t need that.]
[Armin wraps his arms around Aubrey’s neck, pulling her close and resting his cheek against her shoulder. At last, he seems at ease. He whispers:]
Oh, Aubrey…
We don’t deserve you…
. . . Wh.
What…?
[It’s a high, wavering whisper. The arms around her neck are surprising, as if she hasn’t been holding him; his cheek on her shoulder has her face warming. It’s not just out of fluster.]
[They… don’t deserve her…?]
[Loathing clamps down on her heart, a swirling, pitch gnaw that never went away. It tells her to deny, deny, deny; she had nothing to do with Eren being like that. Eren should be here, Armin’s peace on his shoulder. Aubrey hardly even comforted Eren when he cried. Aubrey just… Aubrey just worries, and gets stuck in her own head, and then it’s too late.]
[For a moment, she stiffens. But Armin is wrapped around her neck like a scarf, his head rests on her shoulder, and he’s not as warm as he used to be but he feels very much alive. And he needs her to be steady.]
[She pulls her wrists back around him, and holds. The breath Aubrey lets out is slow, and weary, and so very, very tired.]
You deserve better.
We all do.
[Maybe they can have that here. 'Maybe we can find peace.']
That’s all I want. [Armin’s voice is so close, Aubrey almost doesn’t notice part was shared silently.] For Eren… all of you.
[She lets her own chin fall, lightly, on Armin’s shoulder, too. He’s breathing. That’s good....]
Do you think, if Eren was here… it’d bring him peace?
['I don't know.'
[He pulls his arms away, clasping her hands instead.]
We'll find that peace. For all of us.
This world is at our disposal. It's cruel, but...it isn't the same.
There's hope, Aubrey. We'll do whatever it takes. Can you promise me that?
[That Armin can smile at all, after everything… it’s heart-wrenching to see, but there’s a quiet hope to the effort, too. Armin’s always had that, even as he admits to not knowing, even before he says it out loud.
[Aubrey really cares about him.]
[His answer, immediately and involuntarily, is an echo: “I’ll find you again… I’ll find you peace. As close as we can get.” It’s a grim determination, but trying nonetheless.]
[Out loud:] Of course. [Aubrey clasps Armin’s hands back. Even without a hand raised, it’s a promise all the same.] And if we can’t find it… we’ll make it.
[We have to.]
[At last, he drops Aubrey's hands, staking a step back and putting his right fist to his chest, curled at an angle - the Scouts' salute from the Scouts' Commander.]
Our hearts and souls to the cause.
[That salute… Armin’s resolve is steady as a beacon.]
[It’s not Aubrey’s to mirror, but she folds her hands over her heart, right over left.]
Always.
[She has faith in him completely.]
[Aubrey’s not sure when she falls asleep, but she dreams, vaguely. No specific actions (or nightmares, for that matter), just… faces. Lost friends. People she never got to see enough.
[Eren might see them, too; last looks. Mari, gentle as always; Hero, Kel, Sunny, dark and broken; Basil, horrified; Basil, scared for his life; Basil, a horror himself—]
[She wakes abruptly, vision blurred by tears. Ah… it was bound to spill sooner or later.]
[Aubrey finds herself upright again, still on a couch, Eren still sleeping on her lap—breathing, warm. But someone else has joined them: Armin, upright but leaning and sleeping. The rest of Eren is on his lap, now.
[It’s a precious sight. Aubrey wishes desperately that she could take it in, notice nothing else, but she’d recognize the wallpaper in the periphery anywhere. She covers her mouth and chokes back something inhuman.]
[It’s his house, now. A quiet living room—and kitchen, and dining, and entry. Small place. Every detail is crystal clear; an overwhelming green tamed by the soft light of morning (or is it evening?), plants on the bookshelves, plants from the ceiling, on the tables, by the windows. All immaculately cared for, blooming and thriving—even as, outside, there’s a chill. It seeps through thin walls, a reminder that the house is not as cozy as it looks.
[He had lots of happy birthdays here, anyway. Right in the middle of Februrary.... The winds outside had nothing on them.]
[Aubrey could almost think she’s been tossed back for real, Eren and Armin with, but one detail is glaringly amiss: the television. Numbers roll like static; a familiar sight, albeit never before vertical. She’s not sure if it’s a mercy or a cruelty that a question won’t land yet. Maybe it’ll be a good distraction....]
[He turns to Aubrey with a sleepy smile.]
Hi...
Sorry, I...don't remember falling asleep--
[Oh. She looks upset.]
Are you okay?
I’m fine. [Instinctive as it is patently false. At least Armin yawned, talked a little before he noticed; Aubrey can’t quite keep her face dry, nor can she look at him, but having someone here and awake… it’s almost grounding.]
[Her voice is pathetic again anyway.] My best friend lived here.
And died here.
[She forces a swallow.] I don’t… I don’t want to talk about it.
[It was my fault.]
[He and Aubrey might...understand each other a little better than he originally thought...
[Armin's good at manufacturing smiles. He paints one on that's equal parts understanding and obliging.]
Let's not talk about it then. That's alright.
[She half expected him to ask. I don’t deserve y—]
Thanks.
[Aubrey wipes her eyes again, tries to keep her breath steady. She hates this place. She hates this place. But Armin’s smiling at her, and she can try to keep it together. For his sake.]
[Finally, she nods idly towards the TV. It was on that night; Aubrey was only half-watching as the hours droned on. But when the chatter went quiet, it was there to fill the gaps, stupid commercials and mind-numbing movies. Made it impossible to dwell on anything. Now, the static resolves into a number.]
[Insanity, she thinks, playing games here. Aubrey watches it desperately.]
Fifteen. “What’s your weirdest romantic experience?”
[Eren’s here, too, of course. She strokes his hair. It’s soothing.] I’m gonna add… this doesn’t count.
[Still, how could anyone expect Armin to move backwards now? He loves Eren. He always will...]
Well, I...
Hm. The weirdest one...?
[Hey, Aubrey - does your boyfriend taking you to an alternate reality he created specifically for you, confessing all of his deepest sins, then promising to wait in Hell for you until you both die and can spend the rest of eternity together count?]
You know...It would be easy to come up with some story from when Eren and I were just kids - we got ourselves into trouble sometimes, sneaking around and things like that...
That wouldn't really be the truth, though. All things considered, I think...
[Well...]
This isn't the only...separate reality I've seen Eren in, I guess. But as far as romance goes, any variation would probably be the strangest thing you could experience.
[Bless Armin’s rambling. Aubrey’s not sure if he realizes how welcome his voice is, but she listens to him like a lifeline. She’s been too preoccupied to find this strange—to the point where, when he mentions Eren by name, it’s almost a surprise. Right…]
[At that last pause, she finally manages to turn Armin’s way. The fluster is very human. It’s nice… makes her want to smile.]
Separate… reality? [Why does that sound familiar…?]
[She’s not sure what he means about strange variations, but after some thought:] Oh, when we met… didn’t you say something about that? Eren… bringing you somewhere?
That's right. I guess I did say that...
With the power of The Founding Titan, Eren's abilities were beyond anything that we could comprehend...
[It's strange to say it out loud, but...] Even back when I said that to you, I didn't realize...
He might as well have become his own god.
Back home, as long as you were an Eldian, Eren could bring you to any reality he wanted to.
Before...[Armin pauses, takes a look at Eren's face - ever the deep sleeper. He doesn't realize anything's amiss yet. He lowers his voice a fraction.] Before Eren died, I mean...we walked through our lives together. He told me everything - everything. It was in one of those...false realities.
[Without thinking about it, he lightly squeeze's Eren's knee.]
We promised to stay together once all was said and done. He said...he'd wait in Hell for me.
misread that as “rumble” and had a Moment… we love the rambles tho
headhooligan
2023-11-30 07:14 am (UTC)(link)
[“He said he’d wait in Hell for me.” Aubrey’s expression tenses, slightly—not that she can fully relax here. She almost could, though, listening to him. Despite the subject. It makes sense of what Eren did for Mikasa, at least. What a way to say goodbye....]
And here we are… [There’s the faintest trace of a joke to it, but Aubrey doesn’t have the energy.]
[She’s been quiet as a matter of mood. But the way Armin looks at Eren…]
I should mention… he can hear us. [By now, Aubrey can say this somewhat nonchalantly. She rubs her thumb idly at Eren’s face, as if drying his cheeks.] It’s not a normal sleep… but I think he’s okay.
[Slow breath in. It hasn’t been that long, since the dance—yet Armin’s missed so much.]
He won’t wake up.
But I know he’s listening. [She gives his hand a squeeze.] He responds, sometimes.
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