[Like what? Like Hell? Armin's never really believed in that, but if it were real, he knows he'd be there - he knows Eren would be too. As for Aubrey, he really knows nothing about her, but...she must have something weighing on her conscience, if she thinks she's being punished along with monsters like them.]
I...I'm not sure. I haven't been here long. In fact, I...I'm not sure I've even spoken to anyone else other than you. My memory is cloudy - all I can really remember is where I was last time I was home.
[He sucks in a sharp breath when he thinks of it. They're all latched onto Eren right now, desperately trying to get him to listen to reason.]
It...wouldn't be the first time I ended up in a place like this, though.
[That strange world that Eren brought them to using The Founder's power - the paths that connect every Eldian.
[He's quiet for a long moment, knuckles tapping anxiously, but softly, on the table.]
It's not entirely impossible...that Eren himself has brought us here.
[Frankly, Aubrey isn’t sure if she believes in a literal Hell, either. But she’s heard more than enough from the town that is Faraway, where anyone knows everyone and the church bell rings all the way up main street, to have talk of sinners and retribution nailed into her solid.
[The purgatory they talk about is more… dramatic. Souls of the damned bathed in eternal flame, and all. But maybe true hell is being stuck in a dim-lit limbo, talking to someone you’ve never met about your deepest troubles, without a clue how you got there.]
[It calms her in the worst way, that first part. Maybe they both (all?) just fuckin’ died. Maybe Eren surrendered early, his titan steering the rest, and that’s why he’s so certain of his demise.
[But apparently Armin’s a little more familiar than that. Do all roads really lead to Jaeger?]
To a diner? [Aubrey looks back to Armin, concerned and quizzical; and as soon as that leaves her mouth she’s certain that’s not it. She shakes her head. Feels like it’s made of the same indiscriminate soup as the signage.] No, I mean… I believe you. [Somehow.] But Eren said he wasn’t here by choice.
[It sounds silly when she puts it like that - enough to make him smile just a little, self-conscious.]
This place - at least, this specific place - is nothing like the place he's brought us to before.
[And if he doesn't want to be here either, then, surely, he wouldn't be. Armin's eyes fall to the table again, and he sighs.]
I wish I could talk to him. Even for just a minute.
[Little does he know that that won't be happening any time soon.]
I'm not sure if it's worth saying, but...Eren wasn't always like this.
I wish you could too, Armin. [Just barely not ending that with something sardonic, but she means it. Surely Eren’s childhood friend has a better chance of getting through to him than someone who can only get a reaction when she’s being, deliberately or not, obtuse.]
[Eren having brought Armin to some other ambiguous space hasn’t evaded Aubrey’s interest. It’s just, inexplicably, not the most interesting thing she knows about the guy; if he can control his titan powers, sure, why not that, too.
[What she doesn’t know is who he used to be.] He’s mentioned that he had… hope, once, I think. Morality.
[It’s very dark outside.] He wanted things to be different, didn’t he?
We all did.
We all just want to be free, but...for Eren...
[Armin's eyebrows pinch together in thought.]
It's different for him. It always has been. He has this passion that can't be quelled no matter what.
You see where that's led us all now...
slides in a gif link like “i’m about to ruin this tone's entire career”
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
headhooligan
2023-09-19 07:32 pm (UTC)(link)
[Aubrey nods, slowly. That tracks, unfortunately as ever.] You know, I’d almost say he doesn’t seem passionate about anything, but…
[“He doesn’t want his home to be destroyed. It’s funny, isn’t it?” Among other breaks.]
It’s strange. I feel like he knows he’s lying to himself, but he just keeps talking circles around it. [Again, probably nothing Armin doesn’t know. Aubrey’s started thinking out loud again.] It’s like he thinks this is… inevitable? Like he was born to do it. [Her brow furrows.] He’s really always talked like that…?
[Because he wasn't quiet about them. He still isn't. He wants to kill his enemy. He wants retribution. He wants freedom at any cost.
[Armin takes a deep breath.]
In ways, I...guess he has, yeah...
[God, but it's a miserable thing to admit. There's no way - no way his lifelong friend has always been the type of person who would commit genocide - slaughter men, women, and children with reckless abandon.
[Then again, it's not as if this is the first time Eren's ignored innocent collateral for the sake of his larger goal. Armin's done the same...
[He feels sick.]
He thinks it's the only option. I know that much.
He hasn't listened to reason - not yet, but I...
[Staring down at his hands again. They cradle each other.]
I'm going to convince him. I have to.
I can't let him do this...
[To be fair to Eren, he wasn’t particularly subtle with Aubrey. They just had other things to talk about, first. And even so, to top it all off—“I’m the end of the world.” That’s something Aubrey might not ever be done talking about, actually.]
If anyone can get through to him, it’d have to be you. [Right? She follows Armin’s gaze to his hands and is struck by how much… softer, they are. Maybe not in feeling, but in hold. It’s nothing like Eren’s.]
[Armin’s nothing like Eren in a lot of ways, she’s finding.]
[Aubrey lets silence fall for a while. The diner’s dim buzz is nothing like the cold weight of the last room, but there’s something rotten about the air here, too. Stagnant and festering and restless.]
Hey. [It feels almost profane, breaking that.] I’m sorry to keep talking about this. But… [Finally, she returns to his face.] Do you think he’s your responsibility?
[Is Eren his responsibility? Their responsibility? That's never been the reason they've gone after him. Sure, at some point, they had been responsible for keeping him safe. His powers were invaluable; of course they had to keep him safe. But even if that hadn't been the case, Armin would have done anything in his power to protect Eren - he still would. Not because Eren is his responsibility, but because...]
Eren is my friend. There's a certain level of responsibility that comes with that, don't you think?
It's not as if I feel I have to be his keeper, or anything like that. But I want to help him. I want to do whatever I can for him, because...well, I...
[He bites down on his lip a little, chewing anxiously, momentarily averting eye contact.]
I love him.
[Another brief moment of silence passes. Armin frowns, letting his mouth quirk to one side.]
But...although Eren might not be my responsibility, saving the world from total annihilation...? I'd expect anyone to step up in that case.
[It sounds so… obvious, when Armin says it.]
[The first time he pauses, Aubrey has to bite her lip, too—on inside, a poor substitute for the tongue. Did he ask for that? But no shit, he probably didn’t. Friends don’t have to ask for that. Because they’re friends, and they—]
[“I love him.”]
[She tastes blood.]
[Aubrey stares straight down. Her fists clench, loosen, tighten again, the nails of one hand digging into the other. Faintly the rest of Armin’s words register; she manages a small nod.]
Right. R-right, right, yeah, I. [She stands, abruptly. Her palms dig into the table, shaking.] Sorry, I—
[Quick glance up. Nearest door—further in, could be the washroom could be the kitchen maybe a closet it doesn’t really matter. God, not again—] Be right back.
[She bolts.]
[Armin's hand flies up on instinct after Aubrey, but...he doesn't grab for her, nor go after her. Whatever it is that set her off - Eren, "total annihilation", something personal - Armin doesn't feel it's his place to pry. After all, he barely knows this girl. If she needs to take a moment, then she should. God knows he'd like the opportunity to more often.
[At some point, the puppet waitress comes by to fill coffee mugs; Armin is polite to her despite knowing that she probably isn't quite...real? He takes a small sip of the coffee.]
Such a strange place...
[There's a pause. He closes his eyes.]
Where are you, Eren...?
[Bless Armin’s patience.]
[It takes a few minutes. Aubrey forces herself to focus. She’s here—Eren is here, somewhere, maybe. Armin is here. Basil is not here, and all this drama does him no good anyway. She’s been told this. It just needs to get through her thick goddamn skull.]
[Leaving isn’t an option, and Aubrey meant it when she said she’d go back. Even if she’s visibly exhausted, and still red in the face. When she slumps back down in her booth she grabs the mug and takes a very, very long sip, not caring how hot it is.]
Hey. Sorry. [She slams the mug back down. Better if Armin focuses on the spill.] This place gives me the creeps. There’s no one working back there. [That she saw, anyway.]
It is a bit unsettling, you're right.
[...
[Maybe he'll pry a little.]
Are...you alright? Well, I mean - do you want to talk...? About it?
[Shit, how does she answer that. It’s not like she’s subtle, never been a strong suit—but at this point Aubrey’s gotten kinda used to Eren’s distant staring, and she can deal with that (more or less). She extremely does not think she can deal with someone actually reaching out.]
[This guy’s seen war. What’s some scribbled-over photographs?]
[She watches the coffee swirl around in useless little circles.] You know, Armin, you’re really nice. [Yeah, just. Dodge the question entirely. Idle talk; her eyes don’t leave the mug.] Eren makes everything sound completely hopeless. But I think as long as humanity’s got people like you… [Quick sip. Much more casual.] …even your world can be alright, sometimes.
That's a nice sentiment. I should be thanking you.
[However...
[He glances up at her.]
I'm not someone you should be praising, though - not by a long shot. General kindness - it isn't useless, but...you shouldn't let it fool you either.
I've done unspeakable things. [The grip on his cup tightens slightly.]
A lot of innocent people have died because of me. Whether or not I'm nice really isn't the issue.
[Hopeless? Armin isn't so sure he disagrees anymore.]
Our world is a cruel place. Eren isn't wrong about that.
We've both made it crueler.
[At first, Aubrey simply nods. “Nice sentiment,” fair enough; she didn’t believe it when he said as much about her earlier, it’s fine.
[But the rest.]
[Aubrey watches Armin, more alert again, as he goes on. At least he’s not dismissing kindness wholesale. She doesn’t like that he’s confirming at least some of what Eren said, though, and it has her… angry? Irritated. Jesus, just take the damn compliment. Let something be easy, just once.]
Necessity of war. [It’s a much firmer statement this time.] I mean— I’m sure you have. Eren told me [why is she echoing him, suddenly?]—“To rise above monsters, we have to abandon your humanity.” You said that. I know that.
I’m just— I’m saying that can’t be it. [She’s sitting straight up now.] It can’t be cruel all the time. That’s not naive or foolish. [Who is this argument with, really?]
[Eren's really managed to get under her skin...Not that that's particularly surprising.]
I did say that. I believe it too. Necessity of war, like you said - that's just it, really.
But...you're right.
[She's right. He takes a short breath - relief.]
It's a cruel world, but...not in every aspect.
We have friends and families; we share drinks and laughter, stories, dreams...
I really can't imagine having to go through life without at least that.
[Like Eren does...
[Armin manages a small - very small - smile.]
Thank you for the compliment, Aubrey.
[What is with these guys and just… deflecting. Taking what she throws out and brushing it off. Unlike with Eren, Aubrey wasn’t trying to hurt Armin, but it’s still its own brand of… what, jarring? Armin doesn’t unsettle her at all.
[She stands by what she said in the first place, if anything.]
[As Armin talks about the world not being fully cruel; friends, families, laughter and stories and dreams… Aubrey visibly deflates. Exhaustion takes over again, dragging down her shoulders, and on his final note she picks up the mug again for another long, long drink. It’s a good excuse to swallow. Hides her face, while it lasts. She wonders if Armin has any pictures with his loved ones but the question catches in her throat.]
[Her mug’s empty and it doesn’t feel like it did a thing. Aubrey can’t bring herself to meet Armin’s smile, however slight, for more than a glimpse.] It’s, ah. No problem. [Would be nice to sink under the table, right about now.] Don’t mention it.
Hope you find him.
[Then, without any further explanation, he quietly asks:]
Does that make it worse?
[Aubrey dips her head. Bites her lip again.]
Make… what worse…?
Does it make what Eren's told you worse?
[Armin isn't looking at Aubrey. His eyes are on his knuckles, lightly tapping against the table again.]
Operating under the opposite assumption would make it easier to stomach, right? Is that it?
[Right. Right. Eren. Eren. God, just, focus on Eren. —Armin. Armin, talking about, ugh—]
[Only slightly lifting her head, she watches his tapping. She swallows, again.] I never thought your world was hopeless. [It’s not a lie, she doesn’t think. Aubrey mumbles like it is one.]
I… I won’t believe him. I c—[Her voice catches and she silences it, immediately.]
[No. Armin can't even think it. Eren Jaeger is not evil. He can't be...]
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked.
And you shouldn't believe him.
[At this, Armin tries to meet her eyes, to level a stare at her - firm, reassuring.]
Our world is worth saving.
[No, it’s fine, she wants to say. Which it’s not, but Aubrey looks up just in time to meet his stare and—
[“Our world is worth saving.” Without a doubt in his voice.]
[It’s not what Armin’s talking about at all—Aubrey’s barely touching the loss of one person, never mind countless in an act that everyone, even its perpetrator, can agree is horrific—but through that ever-warped lens…
[What Armin’s saying almost sounds like “Life gets better.” There’s still hope. There’s still tomorrow.
[There has to be.
It’s worth the fight.]
[Aubrey can’t meet Armin’s resolve, but she could hug him if not for the table. Instead she sits back up, and looks at him with something of a desperate admiration.]
It is. [There’s no doubt to that, now.] Thank you.
I wouldn’t want you to go out of your way.
If you want my company that badly, I’ll come find you. Or you can follow the sound of explosions.
Just don’t let Eren get his hands on any fireworks, for everyone’s sake.
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