rollcharisma | IC Inbox for seasonsrpg

Hey. You okay?

[Normally, Armin might lie, but the concern is so unexpected and genuine, that he can’t quite bring himself to. Aside from that, his trust in Eren has been reignited. He wouldn’t believe him even if Armin did say he was fine…

[Just seeing his username is a comfort.]

I guess you’ve talked to Reiner.

I’m not at all, really. No.

This isn’t really about me, though. Thanks for checking in, Eren. <3

He asked me to go to the segments with him and I said yes but I figured you were fucked up about it. You shouldn't just hide alone ok?

He's pissed at me for not telling him but I figured it was up to you.

Maybe I should tell him it was my fault too.

I think we were all complicit, but I'm not sure that placing blame is what Reiner needs right now.

Then again, what do I know? [He knows what Bertholdt knows.]

I'll miss you. Please be safe.

It's not about blame exactly. I just feel like maybe it's still lying if he doesn't know. You're not the one that sentenced Bertholdt to death.

I am.

We'll be okay.

[ PROBABLY? ]

Well, I won't discourage you from being honest. Reiner has a right to know as much as any of us do.

I should have told him a long time ago. I just wish it weren't a truth we had to share.

I told him the worst shit I've done or will do but to him this might be worse. I can't even say I'm sorry for it. I had to save you.

[ Also he was pissed off and his revenge drive is unmatched but YOU KNOW ]

It's counterintuitive, maybe, but I don't think you're wrong. Whether or not we had a choice, it's personal.

I killed his best friend.

I told him it was just war but he didn't buy that. I guess he was right.

[ HE GUESSES ]

It wasn't personal for you, though. You didn't have anything to do with the decision.

[ Though hadn't they gone into that fight planning to kill Bertholdt? It was him or them, then. Armin sacrificed himself so Eren could win. It's a thing that even in all of his shit, Eren has never forgotten. ]

If I were Reiner maybe I wouldn't see it that way either. If anyone ever hurt you again I'd kill them without thinking about it.

[ He's not helping. ]

[He is not, no.]

I don't want you to kill anyone for me, Eren.

[Have we learned nothing?! NOTHING?!]

I know. I don't want to have to.

[ He learned...a little. Maybe. This comes off shittier than he means it, but Eren gotta Eren. He doesn't enjoy killing people, exactly. But he can't do something like make a vow that he will never kill another person. ]

I know. [So, he's learned a little.]

Hopefully we won't have to worry about that here. We haven't had to so far.

Yeah. It's peaceful here.

[ He's not good at peace but he can appreciate the difference. Also people don't stay dead, which means there's less motivation for revenge! Maybe! ]

It is.

I'm not sure I'll ever get used to that.

You know...sometimes I feel like it's us - the people from our world - that are the only non-peaceful thing about this place...

I know what you mean. People like us deserve worse but people don't get what they deserve. That's not how the world works.

[ He should know, killing a shit ton of people who probably didn't deserve it. Not yet, but that's semantics at this point. ]

We're not the only people who are violent. I met a soldier who had been through a pretty brutal war. I've met other people who don't care about killing other people. It just seems like us because you know us best.

On the other hand, some people here have never known any kind of conflict. I met a guy who plays some kind of game for a living. Can you imagine? Playing a game and that's your life? A sport, I guess? I can't picture it at all.

To be honest with you, Eren, that's something that I'd try my best not to be judgmental about, but I can't help but feel a little bitter. That's not something I like about myself - I shouldn't fault people for not suffering - but it's a difficult instinct to squash.

Still, I wouldn't fault them for it.

It's easy to forget that there are those from our world who also had relatively easy lives. Even for those people, though...

Well, you know. Our world is a cruel place. [And they've both made it crueler...]

I get it.

[ Eren's bitterness is bone deep, after all. ]

I resented the outside world for existing.

[ He still does, whoops! ]

The people here, I guess I don't really think about it a lot. It surprises me how many places are so different, but I got used to that in Folkmore. I only really met a couple other people who I felt related to anything we'd been through. They were persecuted for their bloodline, too.

Even in the walls, some people had it easy. Oblivious. Comfortable. They would have thrown all the rest of us away to keep it that way, though. Not everyone is like that, I guess, but sometimes I guess I wonder.

[ Hypocrisy, though, just like so much about him. He would let people here die too if it kept his friends safe. He would never choose anyone above them, not here, not at home, not the world above a handful of lives. The difference, maybe, is that he will not actively condemn anyone here to death either.

Never say never, though. ]

It's hard to imagine a crueller world. If there is one, I don't even want to hear about it. I don't think I'd feel better knowing there's an even shittier option.

That's an interesting way of looking at it, actually. I can't say that I disagree with you. I certainly don't like the idea of other people suffering. If it came off that way, I didn't intend for it to...

[Armin Arlert, speaking to Eren Jaeger, afraid that he's the one who sounds cold. But he blamed the both of them in that memory, didn't he? And he does now. He's just as much of a monster. On bad days, he feels even worse.]

I'm happy to be here with you, Eren. Right here.

It didn't come off that way. I was just saying how I thought.

I'm happy to be here with you too. It's better than I would have ever dared to imagine.

[Eren's words send a pleasant little thrill up Armin's spine. He hasn't been so candid with his feelings in...a long time.

[It's a great comfort.

[Maybe Armin had dared to imagine something as beautiful as this once, but he understands what Eren is saying. In ways, Ellipsa really is a paradise.]

I know what you mean. Of course I do.

It can only get better too. That's what I think.

We'll be okay. When's the last time I could say that with confidence? I really believe it.

[He thinks so, anyway. He hopes.]

I love you. Very much, Eren.

[ Maybe Eren dared to imagine it too, long ago before he fucked up his own brain and committed to dying. Since then (whenever that was), he hasn't really had hope.

He still doesn't quite get there, but it's closer than it was. ]

I hope you're right.

[ He almost doesn't say it back because he's Eren, but he's also aware that he's about to go on some mission to who the fuck knows where. He has no plans to die, but you never know. (Not that death is permanent. Not that death would hurt others less.) ]

I love you too.

[Eren's death will destroy Armin in any timeline or universe, permanent or not.

[He isn't expecting the reciprocation; doesn't need it, really. He meant it when he said so. He knows that Eren loves him. Throughout their lives, he's shown it in a thousand ways.

[Still, his stomach flips. Sorry, Eren, but these words are being immortalized forever in the form of a screenshot. He'll look at it while Eren's gone.]

When are you heading out?

[ Eren doesn't even know screenshots are a thing, though it probably wouldn't change much about what he says to who. ]

I'm gonna go meet Reiner in like an hour. Don't worry, though. We'll be okay.

[ He says that, completely at odds with his reasons for bothering to say I love you. Hypocrisy, aka, #justerenthings. ]

I'll see you when you get back?

Yeah. See you then.

IC Inbox for seasonsrpg

text; un:jaeger (after Reiner texts Eren about Bertholdt)

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